GREAT LEADER, GREAT START BUT WHAT DO WE CALL HIM?

2008 begins with much promise for us Lib Dems, with Nick Clegg on the first proper Today of the year railing about all sorts, just like we want him to. He faces a series of key challenges this year to keep himself and the party in the limelight as he gradually stops being the new boy of politics and to develop our public persona further as the other two party leaders increasingly hit the buffers (can one increasingly hit buffers or is this a metaphor too far?) One of the challenges our esteemed leader faces stands looming above all the others like Beachy Head above the Seven Sisters.

The key issue for Clegg is the absolutely crucial need for a good nickname. Without this he is sunk and we as a party will fall into the morass of indifference which even today greets John 'John' Major, since no one knew what to call him, even if we did guffaw at his underpants, smile at his alleged pea obsession and go slightly green at the thought of him coupling over the Cabinet table with Edwina 'no salmonella in my eggs' Currie.

Forget policy, presentation or Parliamentary performace, a good nickname is the fulcrum on which successful leadership spins.

But where to begin? Ming Campbell came with a nickname ready made, in his eminently stylish and organised way. He no doubt had it hand-stitched by an Edinburgh nickname maker who had been in business since 1546. Chat Show Charlie achieved the impossible, with a frivolous yet reassuring name which to this day means that everyone loves him. Paddy 'Pantsdown' Ashdown did more for our party's poll rating with his bedroom antics than 1000 policy announcements...

Of course, the other side is far more worrying. David 'Call me Dave' chose blokey mateyness which in no way reflects his position as leader of the nasty toffs' party. As for Gordon Brown, well his name has strangely become his nickname as it is intoned as if in echo of a great funeral bell signalling the onrush of his demise as we all slide into the recession he created for us.

But back to Nick. 'Nick' is already a nickname of sorts but it is somewhat ordinary. Clegg calls to mind 'Last of the Summer Wine' but that's about it. Not a great breeding ground for humour in that tragic documentary about a small community of oddballs in terminal decline in Yorkshire. No, any variation on Nick Clegg's actual name brings forth such banality that it beggars belief: Nicko, Cleggster, Cleggy. It's all too ghastly to contemplate.

What is needed therefore is not a manifesto commission, nor an election planning committee but a group of party elders to consider the burning question for 2008. How can we refer to our new party leader in a non-derisory but familiar way which endears him to voters while still allowing him to maintain his developing persona as the most earnest politician in the western world.

It remains a key challenge and one I am sure 'the Nickster' will rise to.