SOMEONE TELL THE BBC NEWS IS MEANT TO BE BORING

The Times on Monday reported that the BBC is looking to appoint some new ‘news rottweilers’ as John Humphrys, Jeremy Paxman, James Naughtie and David Dimbleby retire. Putting the respected David Dimbleby to one side (bizarre image…) for a moment, two thoughts come to mind.

Firstly, the day the three other goons step aside will surely be one of carnivals, fireworks and general celebration as millions of people realise they can once again turn on Radio 4 in the morning and actually hear some news, rather than a grumpy and rather dim old man trying to string a sentence together and getting hopelessly tied up in sub-clauses every time, while his neighbour sits shouting nonsense at people hoping they will listen to him. You can almost smell the urine and Werther’s Original…

Yet more people will realise that the BBC’s in depth evening news analysis programme will actually ‘do what it says on the tin’, rather than simply being a vehicle for the biggest – and most misguided – ego on television. The word ‘pants’ springs nimbly to mind…

The second thought is to marvel at the idiocy at senior levels within the BBC which assumes that this style of shouting match is interesting to people. The contrast for me is PM with Eddie Mair, who can be a bit of a shit, its true, but who makes up for it by apparently listening – repeat, ‘listening’ – to the people he interviews.

Perhaps the word ‘rottweiler’ could be replaced with ‘shi’tzu’ – i.e. small, in-bred yappy things which annoy people constantly with their yelping but which serve no other function whatsoever.