US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION ON A KNIFE EDGE AS WORLD LOSES COLLECTIVE WILL TO LIVE

John McCain has suffered a negative progression among the ‘alpha-male working women’ of Ohio, according to CNN, This is being taken by the networks as a possible translation into support for Obama among Nebraska lesbians, which could deliver him the state. However, McCain has found his support among the ‘plug rollers’ of northern Wyoming grow by 2 points in the last week alone and the people who live at 422 Penn Drive, New Jersey have also come out for him.

In the key swing state of Utah, nothing has happened, despite the best efforts of commentators and politicians to try to whip up any interest at all. The biggest swing has been in the non-voting colony of Westminster, where British obsessives have driven the world crazy with endless analysis, comment and tosh, mostly mentioning people, events and polls that no one has heard of and that they care even less about. Joe Biden – there’s one. John McCririck – there’s another who carries about as much interest and relevance to the US Presidential race as any of the others.

Apparently John McCain said he was ‘very happy’ to be in Wisconsin on Tuesday, which is seen as a gaffe because pollsters have recorded a negative response among 24% of hispanic American voters to the word ‘happy’ since it sounds like the Spanish word for a cat’s rectum. This slip could cost him the election.

In a separate development, the election has taken its toll of casualties as a steadily growing number of British commentators and bloggers expire through sheer ecstasy as the latest bit of baloney seeps across the Atlantic. Rambling Jim Naughtie has been admitted to hospital but doctors had to let him go as they could find no reason have him sectioned.

Apparently the Brazilian rainforest is now threatened as a viable ecosystem as so much of it has been cut down to allow newspapers to print an unending stream of shite about the US Presidential election. The rainforest of Ecuador has been lined up for the gut-wrenching analysis of the expected Obama Presidency and endless comparisons with John Kennedy.

Just a week to go, then it will all be over…Oh God, let me see that day!