I live in Oxfordshire but I spent the first 32 years of my life in London. I am consequently a proper Londoner and remain proud of that great city, despite my strong attachment to my new home.
I was thrilled when London beat Paris to get the 2012 Olympics and increasingly excited as the handover ceremony from Beijing to London approached.
This growing excitement was cruelly shattered as I watched in horror a shambling, almost simian oaf emerge into the fabulous Bird's Nest stadium in Beijing to represent the entire UK, in turn saluting the crowd (!!!), placing his hands into and out of his pockets as he bumbled along next to his Chinese counterpart, grinning like the idiot he clearly is (I don't buy into the 'hiding his genius' argument) and generally humiliating us in front of billions of spectators as he failed even to wave a bl**dy flag properly.
He then later insulted his hosts by claiming 'ping pong' as British - as if anyone cared - and generally behaving like a clown - and not a very good one at that.
This man is tipped by some commentators as a future Prime Minister...If you live in London and you voted for Boris Johnson to be London Mayor, see what you have done.
Monday, 25 August 2008
Thursday, 14 August 2008
LET'S ALL ALLOW LEUNIG TO GET UP NOW, SHALL WE?
I've just read the article by Tim Leunig on the Grauniad website and - shock horror - it is quite logical. I don't agree with it but what he says makes sense.
His basic premise is that Liverpool and Hull, which he singled out, are coastal and as such they grew up based on sea borne commerce. They have declined as commerce has become less tied to this one method of transit for people and goods. He cites Reading and Milton Keynes as successful modern towns, whcih is also true.
The problem with the article is in its assumption that we must engineer changes in where people live or where they work. That's the dangerous part. He speaks of allowing people to move south to live and work if they want to. Well, correct me if I'm wrong but anyone can live anywhere in this country. It just costs more down here, as my groaning bank account can attest.
This article is kind of like the works of Karl Marx (no, stay with me...). The analysis is impeccable but the suggested solution is pants. There, one of the most important political and economic theories of the last 200 years reduced to a single word: pants. This is surely what people mean when they say blogs dumb down - and I agree.
Coming back to the ravings of Leunig, my experience of northern towns is actually quite good. I have friends in Liverpool and I have never been anywhere with a better nightlife. I am planning to go on my annual summer holiday to Gateshead where I will sample the delights of Newcastle city centre on a Saturday, visit the excellent seaside resorts - by metro - and visit beautiful Northumberland. Not much reason to move south from there, then Tim...
Some towns are blighted. I spent 3 years at university in Stoke on Trent. Now Stoke is probably the kind of place the author had in mind when he mentioned depressed northern towns but even benighted Stoke has seen quite a considerable revival in the 20 years I have known it. I spent a year in Sheffield as well and I am told that that town has also improved its fortunes - though it is still too soon for me to return as the scars remain...
One alternative view comes from a colleague who mentioned Bradford being in the shadow of Leeds. It may not always be necessary to redevelop a town or city. It could quite successfully decline into something else, such as a tourist destination. Bradford has countryside, superb Asian cuisine, Saltaire, a fascinating history and good links to other 'destinations' so why not just become a genteel tourist centre. Now that is a leap of imagination!
I also agree with Leunig's criticism of regeneration projects which have variable success. Taking his analysis to an alternative conclusion, what I would like to see is a better application of regeneration by proper regional government within a far more devolved, federal state to recognise and work better with individual cases like Bradford. If local regions could work for themselves we might see a lot better work than can be achieved from a remote centre.
I live in Oxfordshire and our future is planned in Guildford, which could be the dark side of the moon as far as I am concerned. By contrast the Thames Valley region is logical and practical as a region. The 'South East', stretching from Milton Keynes to Dover is a bureaucrat's wet dream and nothing else.
Similarly, Tyne and Wear up to the Scottish border is logical, although Northumberland and Cumbria may share more in common economically as both areas thrive on tourism nowadays. East Anglia, comprising Norfolk, Suffolk and Cambridge works too, IMHO. I'm equivocal on Essex. Sorry, Essex but I know little about the county other than that I hate the A12.
So one cheer should go to Leunig and colleague for their analysis but a resounding raspberry for their conclusions, which are lazy and smack of a dirigiste planning age which thankfully has long gone.
His basic premise is that Liverpool and Hull, which he singled out, are coastal and as such they grew up based on sea borne commerce. They have declined as commerce has become less tied to this one method of transit for people and goods. He cites Reading and Milton Keynes as successful modern towns, whcih is also true.
The problem with the article is in its assumption that we must engineer changes in where people live or where they work. That's the dangerous part. He speaks of allowing people to move south to live and work if they want to. Well, correct me if I'm wrong but anyone can live anywhere in this country. It just costs more down here, as my groaning bank account can attest.
This article is kind of like the works of Karl Marx (no, stay with me...). The analysis is impeccable but the suggested solution is pants. There, one of the most important political and economic theories of the last 200 years reduced to a single word: pants. This is surely what people mean when they say blogs dumb down - and I agree.
Coming back to the ravings of Leunig, my experience of northern towns is actually quite good. I have friends in Liverpool and I have never been anywhere with a better nightlife. I am planning to go on my annual summer holiday to Gateshead where I will sample the delights of Newcastle city centre on a Saturday, visit the excellent seaside resorts - by metro - and visit beautiful Northumberland. Not much reason to move south from there, then Tim...
Some towns are blighted. I spent 3 years at university in Stoke on Trent. Now Stoke is probably the kind of place the author had in mind when he mentioned depressed northern towns but even benighted Stoke has seen quite a considerable revival in the 20 years I have known it. I spent a year in Sheffield as well and I am told that that town has also improved its fortunes - though it is still too soon for me to return as the scars remain...
One alternative view comes from a colleague who mentioned Bradford being in the shadow of Leeds. It may not always be necessary to redevelop a town or city. It could quite successfully decline into something else, such as a tourist destination. Bradford has countryside, superb Asian cuisine, Saltaire, a fascinating history and good links to other 'destinations' so why not just become a genteel tourist centre. Now that is a leap of imagination!
I also agree with Leunig's criticism of regeneration projects which have variable success. Taking his analysis to an alternative conclusion, what I would like to see is a better application of regeneration by proper regional government within a far more devolved, federal state to recognise and work better with individual cases like Bradford. If local regions could work for themselves we might see a lot better work than can be achieved from a remote centre.
I live in Oxfordshire and our future is planned in Guildford, which could be the dark side of the moon as far as I am concerned. By contrast the Thames Valley region is logical and practical as a region. The 'South East', stretching from Milton Keynes to Dover is a bureaucrat's wet dream and nothing else.
Similarly, Tyne and Wear up to the Scottish border is logical, although Northumberland and Cumbria may share more in common economically as both areas thrive on tourism nowadays. East Anglia, comprising Norfolk, Suffolk and Cambridge works too, IMHO. I'm equivocal on Essex. Sorry, Essex but I know little about the county other than that I hate the A12.
So one cheer should go to Leunig and colleague for their analysis but a resounding raspberry for their conclusions, which are lazy and smack of a dirigiste planning age which thankfully has long gone.
ARE EXAMS GETTING EASIER? SORRY, I NODDED OFF FOR A MOMENT
Well, it seems obligatory to offer a view on this perennial subject so here are a few more questions to bleat about:
-Are pictures of young girls in vest tops hugging getting any less appealing to newspaper editors?
-Are journalists getting any less lazy than they used to be?
-Are young people actually probably better informed now than most other generations were due to the various media the lazy media first creates then spends column inches, both virtual and inked, condemning?
-Are the young people passing these supposedly easy exams still putting in the hours working to pass them, thus to a very large extent justifying their grades, regardless of whether culture and thus the questions which have been asked have changed to reflect the times we are living through?
-Does anyone actually give a damn about this tired debate which rears its decrepit, slothful head every year?
-Does anyone read newspapers any more?
Can I use the word 'slothful' any more given that the latest scientific study shows that the animals in question only sleep for nine hours a day on average?
-Is this a tangent?
-Is this?
-Help...
-Are pictures of young girls in vest tops hugging getting any less appealing to newspaper editors?
-Are journalists getting any less lazy than they used to be?
-Are young people actually probably better informed now than most other generations were due to the various media the lazy media first creates then spends column inches, both virtual and inked, condemning?
-Are the young people passing these supposedly easy exams still putting in the hours working to pass them, thus to a very large extent justifying their grades, regardless of whether culture and thus the questions which have been asked have changed to reflect the times we are living through?
-Does anyone actually give a damn about this tired debate which rears its decrepit, slothful head every year?
-Does anyone read newspapers any more?
Can I use the word 'slothful' any more given that the latest scientific study shows that the animals in question only sleep for nine hours a day on average?
-Is this a tangent?
-Is this?
-Help...
WHAT SUPERPOWERS ARE FOR
It doesn't sit easily with my core beliefs on the world but the US decision to send in humanitarian aid - backed by all the paraphernalia of the biggest military on the planet - to Georgia is a very good one.
The move is a clear signal of intent and leaves Czar Vladimir in no doubt about the response of the USA to their 'peace enforcement' in Georgia. Was ever a more hypocritical phrase used in international politics? Probably...
There is no question that Russia risks getting out of control as the country's government seeks to reassert its position on the 'world island' of Eurasia. The US response has, for once, been timely, robust and proportionate.
The fact that the EU is backing up this action is also a very strong signal of unity and intent. It might be said that this is the moment 60 years of NATO was intended for, having failed so dreadfully with Czechoslovakia and Hungary.
As I once read, for all its faults - and they are legion - it's more comnforting to have the US as the world's only superpower than it would be Russia or China.
So well done the USA. Not something I say often but entirely appropriate today.
The move is a clear signal of intent and leaves Czar Vladimir in no doubt about the response of the USA to their 'peace enforcement' in Georgia. Was ever a more hypocritical phrase used in international politics? Probably...
There is no question that Russia risks getting out of control as the country's government seeks to reassert its position on the 'world island' of Eurasia. The US response has, for once, been timely, robust and proportionate.
The fact that the EU is backing up this action is also a very strong signal of unity and intent. It might be said that this is the moment 60 years of NATO was intended for, having failed so dreadfully with Czechoslovakia and Hungary.
As I once read, for all its faults - and they are legion - it's more comnforting to have the US as the world's only superpower than it would be Russia or China.
So well done the USA. Not something I say often but entirely appropriate today.
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
PMQs IN THE MIDDLE KINGDOM
Doug Elghorn (Beijing West) asked Gordon whether the Chinese had invented paper or whether it was actually his government which had done so. Gordon said that under New Labour more paper had been created, printed and ignored than at any time in the 5000 years of the Middle Kingdom and that he considered this an achievement the opposition would be unlikely to beat.
Dave rose, dressed as a humble Yangtze fisherman, complete with crane on a pole, in line with the advice of ‘Team Cameron’. He asked the Prime Minister whether he planned to stay in Beijing for the closing ceremony of the Olympics. Gordon, dressed as a Mandarin, that denizen of bureaucracy, paperwork and such pointless time-wasting that it brought down a succession of great empires, replied that he was looking at a range of options and that it would be too soon to speculate at this point.
Dave, a spring in his step and a pair of chopsticks behind his right ear, said he was glad the British Olympic Team members were a bit more decisive that the Prime Minister as they actually won some events, whereas the Prime Minister would struggle to come in last in any sporting contest. Gordon dragged himself up, his face all but hidden behind an elaborate fan depicting the history of tragic lovers Princess Gen Us and her manservant, Pos-ten-Don, doomed to be forever linked together in the minds of sad, failed politicians for their defiance of the Emperor in 1137 when he commanded Pos-ten-Don to make a proper perch for his beloved garden Budgerigar to stop it falling off. If he did this the couple could be married. Unfortunately, Pos-ten-Don failed in his task of delivering a balanced budgie so the emperor banished them to the mountains of the far away Kingdom of Nepal where they died among the landslide country of ‘Northern Rocks’, home to a tribe which daubed itself in black and white stripes, spoke an unintelligible language and was lousy at football. A mystical tree sprang up where the lovers perished and to this day it survives and is known to locals attending the next door glue and baby milk factory as the ‘Pos-ten-Don Gen Us Growth Tree’. The emperor was discredited and forced from power soon after but the lovers have been remembered for their triumph of hope over experience and for a great line in ornamental crockery.
Coming back to the question, Gordon said that if he took part in any sporting contest he would of course ‘do his best’ but that he would leave such contests to Britain’s athletes who were performing ably across the various Olympic venues and disciplines, in stark contrast to the Shadow Cabinet, whose abilities would no doubt be limited to huntin’, shootin’ and fishin’, if their backgrounds were anything to go by. The Tory benches let out a collective snort which rather proved the point, to Dave’s dismay.
Dave stood up, apparently to ask a question but instead he grabbed the fighting chopsticks, ‘Blue Tree’, from behind his ear and threw one then the other straight at Gordon, who, in a lightning flash, brandished his fan, ‘Brown Hubris’ and deflected one chopstick lazily up the nose of the Foreign Secretary, who clutched his face in agony and fell to the floor, then the other with a flourish into the forehead of Nick Raynsford, who rose, staggered and then collapsed alongside the Prime Minister, making rather too much of his bit part role in the proceedings. A moment’s pleasure flickered over the Prime Minister’s face as he surveyed his vanquished foes. Quickly, though, he remembered his main adversary and spun round. Dave, charging forward menacingly, asked his next question: “If the Prime Minister wishes always to do his best, why is the economy in free fall, with mounting negative equity and fuel prices affecting hard-working families. Can he just admit that this is all his fault and call a General Election now?”
Brown, defying gravity, leapt up on to the tiled roof above the ‘Chamber’ and, pursued by a seemingly magically rising Dave running in mid-air, declared that the economy was witnessing unprecedented growth and would soon become the fourth largest in the world. An aide bent down from an upper window to whisper to the Prime Minister that the Leader of the Opposition had been referring to the British economy, not the Chinese one. Gordon paused dramatically, mid-leap between two roofs, turned his head and spat at Dave: “Not my fault anymore. Dar Ling is now the keeper of the coins and IOUs.” He landed on the other roof and ran silently and nimbly to evade his pursuer.
Dar Ling sat in the simple robes of a monk looking unmoved. The effort of raising his eyebrows earlier that day had rendered him all but incapable of any further action.
Dave jumped across the same roof space, paused, looking slightly vexed by this loss of momentum and the failure to capitalise on this photo opportunity, then launched himself on his way after the Prime Minister. As he ran he asked: “He has got us into this mess. He should now take the blame for rising unemployment, falling profits, low wages and smaller beards on mandarins. He should now do what is right. Resign!”
At this Dave and Gordon fell at each other, Dave having retrieved the legendary chopsticks, ‘Blue Tree’ and Gordon brandishing ‘Brown Hubris’. They performed an elaborate fighting dance in mid air before Mr Speaker rose, upending a bowl of rice at his feet, to remind them that other honourable members wished to ask questions. At this imperious command they both flew down dramatically to their respective places, Dave spinning elegantly as he descended while Gordon flapped his arms loosely. Gordon gave Dave a look of pure evil and declared: “Not while the twin peaks of the great Tiger Leaping Gorge still greet the Sun’s rays will I submit to the Leader of the Opposition, even though I know he comes from a high born family.” Dave responded: “Well, boo to you” in his statesmanlike way.
Lembit Opik stood resplendent, wearing the uniform of the Guard of the Romanian Royal Household (the ‘Chiki’). He apologised to Mr Speaker for this oversight and explained that this was all there was left when he arrived. Mr Speaker chewed on a lotus flower inscrutably. Lembit then asked the Prime Minister whether the Olympic Games in London would be as spectacular as they had been here in China. Gordon said they would be the best games ever and that the government had planned for record investment in developing the new Olympic sites. He then leaned over to Dar Ling and whispered something inaudible about whether Dar Ling had placed that £4m on the 3.30 at Epsom. Darling tried to nod but his eyebrows got the better of him and his head slumped forward once more.
Nicholas Soames, dressed as the Mikado, complete with daft, mildly racist moustache, imperious but slightly befuddled expression and huge undulating belly, rose, wobbling. A colleague whispered to him that the Mikado was a Japanese ruler and Soames responded along the lines that said colleague should not seek to tell a gentleman how to dress on a Wednesday. The ‘great’ man asked the Prime Minister if he had prepared for his reshuffle with a ‘little list’ and chortled at how clever he was. Gordon responded that the Honourable Gentleman was clearly hopelessly confused with his cultural references and noted how difficult it was for the opposition members to fit in with normal society – or indeed for Mr Soames to fit in anywhere smaller than the Albert Hall. Gordon said that the only certainty for the government would be that the Mikado would not be a member of this or any future Cabinet any time soon as the doors to the Cabinet Office remained too narrow for his substantial girth, even with an industrial tub of Margarine.
Vince stood up, indulging in a little T’ai Chi as he spoke. He ‘brushed the tiger’s coat’, paused melodramatically and then, raising himself up to the ‘crane’, asked Gordon if the freefalling economy and soaring inflation rate were, by any chance, his responsibility. Gordon responded that the growth in inflation was down to malign Western influences and degenerate Capitalist dogma and had nothing to do with his ten years as Chancellor. He commended the efforts of Dar Ling to address the current challenging state of the global economy. Dar Ling managed to lift his head slightly off his chest in acknowledgement of this compliment. Vince ‘passed clouds’ as he eased himself noiselessly into his seat.
David Davis hovered a foot above the benches dressed as a simple monk and asked the Prime Minister whether the panda could beat the tiger in combat. Gordon replied that the panda was powerful and could fight off many enemies. Davis then asked if the Prime Minister was not himself like the panda, i.e. endangered and symbolic of an unpopular regime. ‘Brown Brown’ replied that Davis was no tiger but if he was, this panda could tear him off a stripe. Mr Speaker looked up from a bowl of noodles to comment that he had hoped the Prime Minister would try to enter more into the spirit of things and to be a little more philosophical in his retorts in future. Gordon promised that, as the butterfly’s wing brushes against the heavens, tickling the nether regions of the gods, so he would seek to attain new heights in future Question Times.
Nick Clegg wore the outfit of a Mongol warrior, although he stressed to the House that the Liberal Democrats were committed to reduce the level of pillage in the Yellow River Delta by 4% each year in the first term of a Liberal Democrat administration. He asked if the Prime Minister supported the demonstrations around the world to highlight the situation in Tibet or if he planned to simply ignore the plight of millions of Tibetans so that he could get a goody bag at the closing ceremony.
Gordon said that the government viewed the situation in Tibet with grave concern and British officials were monitoring the situation closely. They were seeking meetings with the Chinese government in an attempt to move the status of the region forward so that all sides could agree to a common future which recognised Tibetan nationhood and allowed exiled Tibetans to return to their homeland. He also stressed that it would be wrong to jeopardise the future success of the London Olympics by creating an unnecessary rift with China, which has made great strides in recent years and which would continue to develop with the engagement of other countries. Mr Brown noted finally that he understood that the goody bags would have a cap, those funny clappy things you see at the rowing, special sweets and a souvenir mascot key ring so of course he would be going to the closing ceremony, together with 14 close family members.
Nickers asked if Gordon would bring him back a goody bag. The Prime Minister retorted that he would have to win an election first to get serious freebies. Jenny Willott asked, on a point of order, who the Prime Minister was referring to there as the whole house was agreed that the chances of him winning an election were lower than the chances of Paula Radcliffe managing to keep her bowels under control long enough to win the marathon.
Ann Widdecombe, dressed as an old, toothless Chinese crone so beloved of photojournalists everywhere, sat on the bottom step of the Chamber abusing a cricket in a cage. She barked something out in ear splitting Cantonese and spat raucously onto the floor of the House, to which Gordon referred her to the reply he gave a few moments ago.
Ming Campbell rose dressed in a long robe with a small skullcap, wispy beard and a look of pure malice in his eyes. His arms were folded into his sleeves and he looked around a hushed chamber. He asked if the Prime Minister thought the situation in Georgia was a disaster, a calamity or a debacle and asked the Prime Minister to make urgent representations to Russian President Medvedev to stop his support of the South Ossetian separatists with attacks on Georgian territory. He then laughed manically as it seemed appropriate. The House murmured that his question had been merciless.
Gordon responded that the government looked upon all such incursions into sovereign territory as a tremendous opportunity and planned to put out 44 statements on government c*ck ups later today. The government nevertheless took the situation in Georgia very seriously and planned to parachute in David Miliband with a proposal for resolution of the crisis. For safety reasons, Mr Miliband would have a large target painted onto his bottom to ensure the Russian gunners did not miss – er, made sure they could see him to avoid hurting him.
Justine Greening, dripping slightly, dressed in a one-piece swimsuit, with GB swimming hat and goggles and smiling that ‘pillar box’ smile of hers, asked if the government had any plans to suspend or withdraw stamp duty payments in the future as homeowners in her Putney constituency were feeling the pressure of the economic downturn. Gordon leapt to his feet angrily and declared that his government had no plans whatsoever. As he sat back down he realised what he had said, half stood but resumed his seat as the Speaker looked benevolently over his bowl of eel’s intestines in mountain lime and black bean sauce.
Ken Clarke was dressed as Widow Twanky. He asked the Prime Minister if he would be reshuffling his Cabinet shortly and if he did, would there be a role for Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper, given their poor performance so far in the light of the SATs results debacle and the freefalling economy. Gordon replied that Balls and Cooper had escaped over the little bridge to a waiting boat but that his servants were pursuing them to the island at the top of the plate, where they would be dealt with accordingly. Ken Clarke bellowed ‘Oh no they won’t!’ and the House dissolved to cries of ‘Oh no, here comes the panto ending!’ They then proceeded to the local street market for a dinner of Locusts in Rice Wine with Chicken Feet dippers to follow. Those of a masochistic tendency then trooped along to a performance of Chinese Opera while others settled down to watch the women’s 20km walk. Toilet provision for women in China is even worse than over here, apparently…
Dave rose, dressed as a humble Yangtze fisherman, complete with crane on a pole, in line with the advice of ‘Team Cameron’. He asked the Prime Minister whether he planned to stay in Beijing for the closing ceremony of the Olympics. Gordon, dressed as a Mandarin, that denizen of bureaucracy, paperwork and such pointless time-wasting that it brought down a succession of great empires, replied that he was looking at a range of options and that it would be too soon to speculate at this point.
Dave, a spring in his step and a pair of chopsticks behind his right ear, said he was glad the British Olympic Team members were a bit more decisive that the Prime Minister as they actually won some events, whereas the Prime Minister would struggle to come in last in any sporting contest. Gordon dragged himself up, his face all but hidden behind an elaborate fan depicting the history of tragic lovers Princess Gen Us and her manservant, Pos-ten-Don, doomed to be forever linked together in the minds of sad, failed politicians for their defiance of the Emperor in 1137 when he commanded Pos-ten-Don to make a proper perch for his beloved garden Budgerigar to stop it falling off. If he did this the couple could be married. Unfortunately, Pos-ten-Don failed in his task of delivering a balanced budgie so the emperor banished them to the mountains of the far away Kingdom of Nepal where they died among the landslide country of ‘Northern Rocks’, home to a tribe which daubed itself in black and white stripes, spoke an unintelligible language and was lousy at football. A mystical tree sprang up where the lovers perished and to this day it survives and is known to locals attending the next door glue and baby milk factory as the ‘Pos-ten-Don Gen Us Growth Tree’. The emperor was discredited and forced from power soon after but the lovers have been remembered for their triumph of hope over experience and for a great line in ornamental crockery.
Coming back to the question, Gordon said that if he took part in any sporting contest he would of course ‘do his best’ but that he would leave such contests to Britain’s athletes who were performing ably across the various Olympic venues and disciplines, in stark contrast to the Shadow Cabinet, whose abilities would no doubt be limited to huntin’, shootin’ and fishin’, if their backgrounds were anything to go by. The Tory benches let out a collective snort which rather proved the point, to Dave’s dismay.
Dave stood up, apparently to ask a question but instead he grabbed the fighting chopsticks, ‘Blue Tree’, from behind his ear and threw one then the other straight at Gordon, who, in a lightning flash, brandished his fan, ‘Brown Hubris’ and deflected one chopstick lazily up the nose of the Foreign Secretary, who clutched his face in agony and fell to the floor, then the other with a flourish into the forehead of Nick Raynsford, who rose, staggered and then collapsed alongside the Prime Minister, making rather too much of his bit part role in the proceedings. A moment’s pleasure flickered over the Prime Minister’s face as he surveyed his vanquished foes. Quickly, though, he remembered his main adversary and spun round. Dave, charging forward menacingly, asked his next question: “If the Prime Minister wishes always to do his best, why is the economy in free fall, with mounting negative equity and fuel prices affecting hard-working families. Can he just admit that this is all his fault and call a General Election now?”
Brown, defying gravity, leapt up on to the tiled roof above the ‘Chamber’ and, pursued by a seemingly magically rising Dave running in mid-air, declared that the economy was witnessing unprecedented growth and would soon become the fourth largest in the world. An aide bent down from an upper window to whisper to the Prime Minister that the Leader of the Opposition had been referring to the British economy, not the Chinese one. Gordon paused dramatically, mid-leap between two roofs, turned his head and spat at Dave: “Not my fault anymore. Dar Ling is now the keeper of the coins and IOUs.” He landed on the other roof and ran silently and nimbly to evade his pursuer.
Dar Ling sat in the simple robes of a monk looking unmoved. The effort of raising his eyebrows earlier that day had rendered him all but incapable of any further action.
Dave jumped across the same roof space, paused, looking slightly vexed by this loss of momentum and the failure to capitalise on this photo opportunity, then launched himself on his way after the Prime Minister. As he ran he asked: “He has got us into this mess. He should now take the blame for rising unemployment, falling profits, low wages and smaller beards on mandarins. He should now do what is right. Resign!”
At this Dave and Gordon fell at each other, Dave having retrieved the legendary chopsticks, ‘Blue Tree’ and Gordon brandishing ‘Brown Hubris’. They performed an elaborate fighting dance in mid air before Mr Speaker rose, upending a bowl of rice at his feet, to remind them that other honourable members wished to ask questions. At this imperious command they both flew down dramatically to their respective places, Dave spinning elegantly as he descended while Gordon flapped his arms loosely. Gordon gave Dave a look of pure evil and declared: “Not while the twin peaks of the great Tiger Leaping Gorge still greet the Sun’s rays will I submit to the Leader of the Opposition, even though I know he comes from a high born family.” Dave responded: “Well, boo to you” in his statesmanlike way.
Lembit Opik stood resplendent, wearing the uniform of the Guard of the Romanian Royal Household (the ‘Chiki’). He apologised to Mr Speaker for this oversight and explained that this was all there was left when he arrived. Mr Speaker chewed on a lotus flower inscrutably. Lembit then asked the Prime Minister whether the Olympic Games in London would be as spectacular as they had been here in China. Gordon said they would be the best games ever and that the government had planned for record investment in developing the new Olympic sites. He then leaned over to Dar Ling and whispered something inaudible about whether Dar Ling had placed that £4m on the 3.30 at Epsom. Darling tried to nod but his eyebrows got the better of him and his head slumped forward once more.
Nicholas Soames, dressed as the Mikado, complete with daft, mildly racist moustache, imperious but slightly befuddled expression and huge undulating belly, rose, wobbling. A colleague whispered to him that the Mikado was a Japanese ruler and Soames responded along the lines that said colleague should not seek to tell a gentleman how to dress on a Wednesday. The ‘great’ man asked the Prime Minister if he had prepared for his reshuffle with a ‘little list’ and chortled at how clever he was. Gordon responded that the Honourable Gentleman was clearly hopelessly confused with his cultural references and noted how difficult it was for the opposition members to fit in with normal society – or indeed for Mr Soames to fit in anywhere smaller than the Albert Hall. Gordon said that the only certainty for the government would be that the Mikado would not be a member of this or any future Cabinet any time soon as the doors to the Cabinet Office remained too narrow for his substantial girth, even with an industrial tub of Margarine.
Vince stood up, indulging in a little T’ai Chi as he spoke. He ‘brushed the tiger’s coat’, paused melodramatically and then, raising himself up to the ‘crane’, asked Gordon if the freefalling economy and soaring inflation rate were, by any chance, his responsibility. Gordon responded that the growth in inflation was down to malign Western influences and degenerate Capitalist dogma and had nothing to do with his ten years as Chancellor. He commended the efforts of Dar Ling to address the current challenging state of the global economy. Dar Ling managed to lift his head slightly off his chest in acknowledgement of this compliment. Vince ‘passed clouds’ as he eased himself noiselessly into his seat.
David Davis hovered a foot above the benches dressed as a simple monk and asked the Prime Minister whether the panda could beat the tiger in combat. Gordon replied that the panda was powerful and could fight off many enemies. Davis then asked if the Prime Minister was not himself like the panda, i.e. endangered and symbolic of an unpopular regime. ‘Brown Brown’ replied that Davis was no tiger but if he was, this panda could tear him off a stripe. Mr Speaker looked up from a bowl of noodles to comment that he had hoped the Prime Minister would try to enter more into the spirit of things and to be a little more philosophical in his retorts in future. Gordon promised that, as the butterfly’s wing brushes against the heavens, tickling the nether regions of the gods, so he would seek to attain new heights in future Question Times.
Nick Clegg wore the outfit of a Mongol warrior, although he stressed to the House that the Liberal Democrats were committed to reduce the level of pillage in the Yellow River Delta by 4% each year in the first term of a Liberal Democrat administration. He asked if the Prime Minister supported the demonstrations around the world to highlight the situation in Tibet or if he planned to simply ignore the plight of millions of Tibetans so that he could get a goody bag at the closing ceremony.
Gordon said that the government viewed the situation in Tibet with grave concern and British officials were monitoring the situation closely. They were seeking meetings with the Chinese government in an attempt to move the status of the region forward so that all sides could agree to a common future which recognised Tibetan nationhood and allowed exiled Tibetans to return to their homeland. He also stressed that it would be wrong to jeopardise the future success of the London Olympics by creating an unnecessary rift with China, which has made great strides in recent years and which would continue to develop with the engagement of other countries. Mr Brown noted finally that he understood that the goody bags would have a cap, those funny clappy things you see at the rowing, special sweets and a souvenir mascot key ring so of course he would be going to the closing ceremony, together with 14 close family members.
Nickers asked if Gordon would bring him back a goody bag. The Prime Minister retorted that he would have to win an election first to get serious freebies. Jenny Willott asked, on a point of order, who the Prime Minister was referring to there as the whole house was agreed that the chances of him winning an election were lower than the chances of Paula Radcliffe managing to keep her bowels under control long enough to win the marathon.
Ann Widdecombe, dressed as an old, toothless Chinese crone so beloved of photojournalists everywhere, sat on the bottom step of the Chamber abusing a cricket in a cage. She barked something out in ear splitting Cantonese and spat raucously onto the floor of the House, to which Gordon referred her to the reply he gave a few moments ago.
Ming Campbell rose dressed in a long robe with a small skullcap, wispy beard and a look of pure malice in his eyes. His arms were folded into his sleeves and he looked around a hushed chamber. He asked if the Prime Minister thought the situation in Georgia was a disaster, a calamity or a debacle and asked the Prime Minister to make urgent representations to Russian President Medvedev to stop his support of the South Ossetian separatists with attacks on Georgian territory. He then laughed manically as it seemed appropriate. The House murmured that his question had been merciless.
Gordon responded that the government looked upon all such incursions into sovereign territory as a tremendous opportunity and planned to put out 44 statements on government c*ck ups later today. The government nevertheless took the situation in Georgia very seriously and planned to parachute in David Miliband with a proposal for resolution of the crisis. For safety reasons, Mr Miliband would have a large target painted onto his bottom to ensure the Russian gunners did not miss – er, made sure they could see him to avoid hurting him.
Justine Greening, dripping slightly, dressed in a one-piece swimsuit, with GB swimming hat and goggles and smiling that ‘pillar box’ smile of hers, asked if the government had any plans to suspend or withdraw stamp duty payments in the future as homeowners in her Putney constituency were feeling the pressure of the economic downturn. Gordon leapt to his feet angrily and declared that his government had no plans whatsoever. As he sat back down he realised what he had said, half stood but resumed his seat as the Speaker looked benevolently over his bowl of eel’s intestines in mountain lime and black bean sauce.
Ken Clarke was dressed as Widow Twanky. He asked the Prime Minister if he would be reshuffling his Cabinet shortly and if he did, would there be a role for Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper, given their poor performance so far in the light of the SATs results debacle and the freefalling economy. Gordon replied that Balls and Cooper had escaped over the little bridge to a waiting boat but that his servants were pursuing them to the island at the top of the plate, where they would be dealt with accordingly. Ken Clarke bellowed ‘Oh no they won’t!’ and the House dissolved to cries of ‘Oh no, here comes the panto ending!’ They then proceeded to the local street market for a dinner of Locusts in Rice Wine with Chicken Feet dippers to follow. Those of a masochistic tendency then trooped along to a performance of Chinese Opera while others settled down to watch the women’s 20km walk. Toilet provision for women in China is even worse than over here, apparently…
Monday, 11 August 2008
TORIES PREPARE FOR GOVERNMENT. NO, REALLY.
Apparently Dave, in an attempt to be taken more seriously and to be seen by more voters as ready to take over the country, has agreed to a session on the final day of the Tory conference entitled ‘preparing for government’. The session will be 45 minutes long.
Now, forgive me if I strike a note of scepticism but is 45 minutes long enough to consider an the various matters of state which an incoming Prime Minister will need to grapple with before the door to Number 10 has even closed?
Luckily we know that Dave is a serious politician who is earnestly looking forward to winning the next election and that this proposal for a 45 minute session with Tory supporters is in no way a cheap gimmick intended to allow Francis Maude and Oliver Letwin the platform to deliver some appropriate sound bites.
Would it be too cheap to link this latest Tory strategy to a previous party leader who used 45 minutes as a cheap gimmick, in that case to thrust this country into an unplanned and unwinnable war which continues? I imagine so. It would also, no doubt, be wrong to equate the two politicians and their individual efforts to bamboozle the electorate, since they are in such different circumstances.
After all, one was seeking to present a made up factoid gleaned from the internet and jazzed up by the Prince of Darkness himself as hard fact with the aim of getting support for the Iraq disaster. The other one, er, was clearly taken in as he voted for the war. He has also stolen every stitch of clothing from the first one’s wardrobe in an attempt to get elected at any cost.
But no. The only sound conclusion must be that this 45 minute ‘preparing for government’ session is not a cheap gimmick but a serious attempt at reasoned debate.
Go Dave!
No please: go, Dave.
Now, forgive me if I strike a note of scepticism but is 45 minutes long enough to consider an the various matters of state which an incoming Prime Minister will need to grapple with before the door to Number 10 has even closed?
Luckily we know that Dave is a serious politician who is earnestly looking forward to winning the next election and that this proposal for a 45 minute session with Tory supporters is in no way a cheap gimmick intended to allow Francis Maude and Oliver Letwin the platform to deliver some appropriate sound bites.
Would it be too cheap to link this latest Tory strategy to a previous party leader who used 45 minutes as a cheap gimmick, in that case to thrust this country into an unplanned and unwinnable war which continues? I imagine so. It would also, no doubt, be wrong to equate the two politicians and their individual efforts to bamboozle the electorate, since they are in such different circumstances.
After all, one was seeking to present a made up factoid gleaned from the internet and jazzed up by the Prince of Darkness himself as hard fact with the aim of getting support for the Iraq disaster. The other one, er, was clearly taken in as he voted for the war. He has also stolen every stitch of clothing from the first one’s wardrobe in an attempt to get elected at any cost.
But no. The only sound conclusion must be that this 45 minute ‘preparing for government’ session is not a cheap gimmick but a serious attempt at reasoned debate.
Go Dave!
No please: go, Dave.
DON’T BOMB THE PEOPLE, BOMB THE POLITICIANS
Gordon Brown may be looking somewhat inept at the moment and David Cameron may struggle to convince people he has any substance but both must be looked upon as almost messianic figures of vision and good sense compared with Georgian president Mikhail Saakashvili, who has taken his country to war with Russia. It is difficult to put into words how unbelievably stupid this decision is.
With Russia unable to back down because its rulers simply don't know how to, having prepared for war for the last 60 years, the USA now gently preparing it 'sabers' to be rattled, to God knows what effect, the Abkhaz looking to join in the 'fun' and the ever predictable tens of thousands of ordinary people being killed, injured and displaced as a bunch of imbecilic politicians cock things up yet again, this latest war beggars belief in the supposedly enlightened 21st century.
A colleague of mine suggested a way out. Russia and Georgia could cease slaughtering civilians for national pride. They could both agree that their borders have changed much over the past 100 years and all the previous centuries so they are not immutable by any measure, regardless of the nonsense spouted in nationalist hymns and myths. They could then agree to withdraw their respective troops from the two halves of Ossetia, which was only divided under the wonderfully successful Soviet system, and allow the appropriate NGOs in to hold a binding referendum of the North and South Ossetians to see what they want. They could then agree to abide by whatever that decision would be, perhaps subject to the payment of a £1bn bond to the UN or some such other punitive measure to make them all come to their senses.
Regrettably any such common sense solution will only be countenanced once thousands more people have had their lives ruined by nationalism and blind, stupid politics.
NB: any Georgians or Russians seeking to post about your ‘inviolable borders’, go somewhere else.
With Russia unable to back down because its rulers simply don't know how to, having prepared for war for the last 60 years, the USA now gently preparing it 'sabers' to be rattled, to God knows what effect, the Abkhaz looking to join in the 'fun' and the ever predictable tens of thousands of ordinary people being killed, injured and displaced as a bunch of imbecilic politicians cock things up yet again, this latest war beggars belief in the supposedly enlightened 21st century.
A colleague of mine suggested a way out. Russia and Georgia could cease slaughtering civilians for national pride. They could both agree that their borders have changed much over the past 100 years and all the previous centuries so they are not immutable by any measure, regardless of the nonsense spouted in nationalist hymns and myths. They could then agree to withdraw their respective troops from the two halves of Ossetia, which was only divided under the wonderfully successful Soviet system, and allow the appropriate NGOs in to hold a binding referendum of the North and South Ossetians to see what they want. They could then agree to abide by whatever that decision would be, perhaps subject to the payment of a £1bn bond to the UN or some such other punitive measure to make them all come to their senses.
Regrettably any such common sense solution will only be countenanced once thousands more people have had their lives ruined by nationalism and blind, stupid politics.
NB: any Georgians or Russians seeking to post about your ‘inviolable borders’, go somewhere else.
RUBBISH…
A man in Congleton has won the ‘right’ to get a second bin for all his rubbish after a two year battle, the Daily Himmler records. This will no doubt set a precedent which will allow families across the country to demand a second bin from their authority. And who’s to say it will stop there? Why just two bins? Why not one for each member of the family? Brilliant!
Where I live we have 240 litre wheelie bins and my family of four only manages to fill it about a third full in a week living an ordinary, wasteful life. We generally fill 3 recycling bins with paper, card, plastic, bottles and cans and we compost our food waste. Nothing dramatic and we don’t consider ourselves heroes of the green revolution. We simply take sensible steps to keep our rubbish down and recycle. By contrast, we have neighbours with children of about the same age and each week they have an overflowing bin every single week, even though they also recycle.
This may only be one entirely anecdotal example but the moral seems simple to this humble pilgrim: it’s not the Council’s fault this oaf in Congleton can’t cut the amount of waste his family throws away so why should the Council – and local taxpayers – have to foot the bill for their excess and give everyone else the green light to follow suit.
NB: some might wish to point out that he has offered to pay for the extra rubbish but the simple facts are that this sets a precedent which will encourage more people to throw away their rubbish rather than reducing and recycling and that the increase in rubbish will put an extra burden on the contractor who is likely to have to increase the movement of collection lorries to cope with the increase in waste. Council tax payers will end up paying more, whatever. Finally, it means that yet more of our country is going to be filled with rubbish or that more of it will need to be burned.
Where I live we have 240 litre wheelie bins and my family of four only manages to fill it about a third full in a week living an ordinary, wasteful life. We generally fill 3 recycling bins with paper, card, plastic, bottles and cans and we compost our food waste. Nothing dramatic and we don’t consider ourselves heroes of the green revolution. We simply take sensible steps to keep our rubbish down and recycle. By contrast, we have neighbours with children of about the same age and each week they have an overflowing bin every single week, even though they also recycle.
This may only be one entirely anecdotal example but the moral seems simple to this humble pilgrim: it’s not the Council’s fault this oaf in Congleton can’t cut the amount of waste his family throws away so why should the Council – and local taxpayers – have to foot the bill for their excess and give everyone else the green light to follow suit.
NB: some might wish to point out that he has offered to pay for the extra rubbish but the simple facts are that this sets a precedent which will encourage more people to throw away their rubbish rather than reducing and recycling and that the increase in rubbish will put an extra burden on the contractor who is likely to have to increase the movement of collection lorries to cope with the increase in waste. Council tax payers will end up paying more, whatever. Finally, it means that yet more of our country is going to be filled with rubbish or that more of it will need to be burned.
Friday, 8 August 2008
POLLS WOT I LIKE
I'm not a huge fan of polls such as the Iain Dale one but I figured we have to make ourselves heard to be in the game so here are my votes. No offence to anyone not included but these are my favourites.
1. Libdemvoice (http://www.libdemvoice.org/): the authoritative voice of the Lib Dems online and a must read for party members
2. Liberal burblings (http://paulwalter.blogspot.com/): Paul Walter is interesting, interested and always entertaining
3. Linda Jack (http://lindyloosmuze.blogspot.com/): an intelligent commentator on a range of subjects
4. James Schneider (http://schneiderhome.blogspot.com): very good for international matters
5. Alix Mortimer (http://fabulousblueporcupine.wordpress.com/category/polly-ticks/): intelligent and easy to read
6. Lynne Featherstone (http://www.lynnefeatherstone.org/blog.htm): great MP with strong opinions
7. Irfan Ahmed (http://irfanahmedblog.blogspot.com/): a young (17) muslim Lib Dem blogger, not the usual style
1. Libdemvoice (http://www.libdemvoice.org/): the authoritative voice of the Lib Dems online and a must read for party members
2. Liberal burblings (http://paulwalter.blogspot.com/): Paul Walter is interesting, interested and always entertaining
3. Linda Jack (http://lindyloosmuze.blogspot.com/): an intelligent commentator on a range of subjects
4. James Schneider (http://schneiderhome.blogspot.com): very good for international matters
5. Alix Mortimer (http://fabulousblueporcupine.wordpress.com/category/polly-ticks/): intelligent and easy to read
6. Lynne Featherstone (http://www.lynnefeatherstone.org/blog.htm): great MP with strong opinions
7. Irfan Ahmed (http://irfanahmedblog.blogspot.com/): a young (17) muslim Lib Dem blogger, not the usual style
Thursday, 7 August 2008
MIGHT WE MODERATE OUR TONE ON CHINA JUST A LITTLE?
This will get some backs up. The BBC this evening is proving a rich source of spleen for me. They led their 10 o'clock bulletin with reports on the Beijing Olympics which kick off tomorrow, reporting on the smog in the city, the concerns of the IOC over the pollution, the human rights protests, the problems in Tibet, the mist over the Great Wall as the flame arrived and ll the problems. They somehow failed to major on the importance of this event to the Chinese.
Now don't misunderstand me, I would not seek to defend this repressive one party regime which has some pretty huge problems with corruption, the suppression of Tibetan and Uighur freedom, pollution etc etc ad nauseum.
However, China is changing rapidly, it is engaging more and more with the world, its civil society is opening up, which suggests that democracy is coming, even if it still has some way to travel, its economy is growing exponentially, it is even doing far more to address environmental issues than we are, despite the rampant pollution there.
This is a massive event for China and for ordinary Chinese people. This Olympics marks China's entry into the major league in the world and we are being pretty churlish in our response. Of course we should highlight the serious human rights abuses but we should also engage with this huge, important country and not seek to ruin their party.
This attitude reminds me of a number of Americans who turned up in Barcelona in 1992 - widely acknowledged as one of the most spectacular Olympics ever - wearing T-shirts with the slogan 'It'll be better in Atlanta'. Well, they caught cold because Atlanta was pretty piss-poor. I hope London doesn't experience the same degree of anti-climax, with so much of our media having sought to rain on China's parade.
Perhaps we can look forward to Chinese reporters here in four years' time discussing our abysmal transport system, the terrible food, the bad weather, the widespread restriction on travel as everyone is required to show their IDs at the checkpoints the next government will probably set up everywhere around the stadium, the crime, the poverty...
It's easy to pick holes - and China has some pretty gaping ones - but it might be better to be a little more positive as well.
Now don't misunderstand me, I would not seek to defend this repressive one party regime which has some pretty huge problems with corruption, the suppression of Tibetan and Uighur freedom, pollution etc etc ad nauseum.
However, China is changing rapidly, it is engaging more and more with the world, its civil society is opening up, which suggests that democracy is coming, even if it still has some way to travel, its economy is growing exponentially, it is even doing far more to address environmental issues than we are, despite the rampant pollution there.
This is a massive event for China and for ordinary Chinese people. This Olympics marks China's entry into the major league in the world and we are being pretty churlish in our response. Of course we should highlight the serious human rights abuses but we should also engage with this huge, important country and not seek to ruin their party.
This attitude reminds me of a number of Americans who turned up in Barcelona in 1992 - widely acknowledged as one of the most spectacular Olympics ever - wearing T-shirts with the slogan 'It'll be better in Atlanta'. Well, they caught cold because Atlanta was pretty piss-poor. I hope London doesn't experience the same degree of anti-climax, with so much of our media having sought to rain on China's parade.
Perhaps we can look forward to Chinese reporters here in four years' time discussing our abysmal transport system, the terrible food, the bad weather, the widespread restriction on travel as everyone is required to show their IDs at the checkpoints the next government will probably set up everywhere around the stadium, the crime, the poverty...
It's easy to pick holes - and China has some pretty gaping ones - but it might be better to be a little more positive as well.
STAMP DUTY - STORY DESPERATELY NEEDED. APPLY TO BROADCASTING HOUSE.
Bizarre news about Stamp Duty plans on the BBC this evening. Alastair Darling has been pilloried for 'not ruling out' proposals discused in the media for suspending Stamp Duty to boost the housing market, thus throwing that market into disarray.
On the BBC news this evening, the interview where this issue arose was played. It was none other than Dim Jim Naughtie who asked Darling about this and Darling, er, said nothing of any substance - he neither confirmed nor denied this idea, saying simply that the government was considering a range of options.
So the BBC started, fuelled and is now gleefully reporting this story.
Another new sensation bursts into my life: sympathy for the Chancellor.
On the BBC news this evening, the interview where this issue arose was played. It was none other than Dim Jim Naughtie who asked Darling about this and Darling, er, said nothing of any substance - he neither confirmed nor denied this idea, saying simply that the government was considering a range of options.
So the BBC started, fuelled and is now gleefully reporting this story.
Another new sensation bursts into my life: sympathy for the Chancellor.
MEASLES: WHERE'S THE 'CHOICE'?
The BBC is running with a new scare story about the risk of a measles outbreak because of the lower number of families immunising their children with the combined MMR vaccine. This decline follows reports over a number of years about the combined vaccine causing autism among children whose immune system could not cope with the three vaccines being administered at once.
As the parent of small children, I went through the same agonies over this with my wife, although eventually we decided to immunise both our children. We were quite lucky to live in south west London at the time, where the top expert in this area lived. We even managed to speak to him personally and, though pompous beyond measure, he did reassure us with sound science.
The point for me remains that this current ‘crisis’ is entirely of the government’s own making. There is no earthly reason why the government could not offer individual vaccines as well as the combined MMR jab. The main argument against this was that it would take longer to administer three separate jabs. Well, the fact that the proportion of children being immunised continues to decline over several years completely puts the lie to this grand claim. If the single jab had been offered (i) it would have given parents a choice, which this government purports to want to offer across the health service (ii) the number of non-immunised children would have been limited to the usual religious nutters who deserve everything they get.
There is no sensible reason for not offering the single jab as well as the MMR one. None, nada, zero, nowt.
As the parent of small children, I went through the same agonies over this with my wife, although eventually we decided to immunise both our children. We were quite lucky to live in south west London at the time, where the top expert in this area lived. We even managed to speak to him personally and, though pompous beyond measure, he did reassure us with sound science.
The point for me remains that this current ‘crisis’ is entirely of the government’s own making. There is no earthly reason why the government could not offer individual vaccines as well as the combined MMR jab. The main argument against this was that it would take longer to administer three separate jabs. Well, the fact that the proportion of children being immunised continues to decline over several years completely puts the lie to this grand claim. If the single jab had been offered (i) it would have given parents a choice, which this government purports to want to offer across the health service (ii) the number of non-immunised children would have been limited to the usual religious nutters who deserve everything they get.
There is no sensible reason for not offering the single jab as well as the MMR one. None, nada, zero, nowt.
ON LIBERALISM
A colleague unearthed a wonderful curio recently: an election address from a 1950 by-election in Hove. The Liberal candidate produced a simple leaflet of such eloquence it makes you really question modern English. The following is the paragraph he sets out on his politics, which is as relevant today as it was then.
‘I am a Liberal. I am opposing two Conservatives, one official and one unofficial. I think a very real need exists for an active and Liberal voice to be heard in the Council Chamber of the Hove Borough. There are two historic strands in Liberalism – the care for liberty and the drive towards social justice. Both these tenets I will strongly uphold. I object to the repressive, paralysing authority of the State and will do all I can to prevent its further encroachment in the sphere of local government.’
Simple, eloquent, striking.
‘I am a Liberal. I am opposing two Conservatives, one official and one unofficial. I think a very real need exists for an active and Liberal voice to be heard in the Council Chamber of the Hove Borough. There are two historic strands in Liberalism – the care for liberty and the drive towards social justice. Both these tenets I will strongly uphold. I object to the repressive, paralysing authority of the State and will do all I can to prevent its further encroachment in the sphere of local government.’
Simple, eloquent, striking.
COUNCIL TAX MUST BE SCRAPPED, VINCE!
Wow, like a baby emerging form the womb I find myself blinking, astounded at a completely new sensation. Today I find myself disagreeing with the Magnificent Vince!
According to the Grauniad, (http://tinyurl.com/6r62m7) Vince wants to see us ease off the pressure to abolish the hated Council Tax and instead to focus on its reform in a first LD government, with abolition in a second government. This is a sensible, cautious policy which recognises that the SNP wants to introduce a local income tax in Scotland and it makes sense to review this first.
However, it abandons the drive to get rid of one of the most ill-thought through, blunt, regressive taxes that have ever been introduced in this country and it would mean that a new LD government would continue to cause residents misery for years before the abolition of this frankly stupid tax.
Vince, speak to your colleagues in local government, especially those running authorities and trying to do the sums with this lousy tax and the massive government grant which completely skews the local aspect of taxation. By all means consider alternatives to local income tax. Land Value Taxation is far better and simpler for example. But we need to ditch this Tory Tax.
Council Tax must be scrapped - and quickly.
According to the Grauniad, (http://tinyurl.com/6r62m7) Vince wants to see us ease off the pressure to abolish the hated Council Tax and instead to focus on its reform in a first LD government, with abolition in a second government. This is a sensible, cautious policy which recognises that the SNP wants to introduce a local income tax in Scotland and it makes sense to review this first.
However, it abandons the drive to get rid of one of the most ill-thought through, blunt, regressive taxes that have ever been introduced in this country and it would mean that a new LD government would continue to cause residents misery for years before the abolition of this frankly stupid tax.
Vince, speak to your colleagues in local government, especially those running authorities and trying to do the sums with this lousy tax and the massive government grant which completely skews the local aspect of taxation. By all means consider alternatives to local income tax. Land Value Taxation is far better and simpler for example. But we need to ditch this Tory Tax.
Council Tax must be scrapped - and quickly.
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
PMQs, A VISIT TO THE SEASIDE
Doug Elghorn (Catterick End of the Pier), speaking from the lifeboat station, asked the Prime Minister why the House had been asked to assemble on the end of Southwold Pier. Gordon replied that he wanted to make Parliament more approachable for hard working families and he thought that decamping to the seaside with buckets and spades might help.
Dave stood up in rather fetching Speedos and a snorkel and asked; ‘Does the Prime Minister want a Mivvi or a 99?’ Gordon responded that since 1997 sales of both types of seaside delicacy had increased in real terms by over 400% and that this record showed that only a Labour government could guarantee the traditional seaside holiday.
Dave asked the question again, reminding the Prime Minister, to raucous catcalls from the Labour benches, that one had a soft centre and the other was flaky. Which was he? Gordon hitched up his rubber ring around his waist and leant forward menacingly, his bare chest bulging flabbily through his all-in-one costume. He said he would have either because he, like hard-working families, was glad to get any kind of ice cream delicacy after a hard day digging on the beach. Tory toffs could not appreciate the importance of lollies and ice creams for ordinary British families.
The Tories cheered as Dave pushed his snorkel back on his head and declared: ‘That’s what he’s good at: digging holes. What he’s not so good at is building the strong foundations for a healthy economy’. Several Tories had to be thrown off the side of the pier in various stages of ecstasy. The ones that floated were later burned as witches. Gordon responded that under Labour, he could have a Mivvi and a 99 and a choc ice, whereas in 1997 he would only have been able to afford a Lemonade lolly. He asked Dave if he had had enough ‘lolly’ stick for now and suggested that he use it to dig himself a hole to hide in. The Labour benches stayed silent in delight at this stinging rebuke.
Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper made out under the docks.
Ann Widdecombe, her bathing suit set to ‘stun’, asked Gordon if he would kiss her quick. Gordon responded that he would rather embrace a flatulent jellyfish. He condemned her for bringing the House into disrepute and told her she should come out from behind that funny ‘fat lady’ photo board and ask a sensible question. He then realised that there was no board and apologised.
Nickers asked Gordon why the government’s record on piers was so lamentable. The only new pier built under Labour was this one, while in the West Country there had been a significant reduction in pier capacity in recent weeks, with the worrying side effect of allowing Lord Archer onto the airwaves once more. Was this a symptom of the government’s mismanagement of the global economy? Gordon responded that his government took pier provision seriously and that hard working families would be given the opportunity once a year to visit a pier of their choice whereas under the Tories piers had, er, been more limited. Only under Labour was the supply of piers going up year on year.
Nick said yes, but what about the Olympics? Would the Prime Minister still be going to Beijing for the opening ceremony? This stumped Gordon, who replied after a few moments bewilderment that yes he would be going and he would a-pier with the Chinese President, Mr Hu. Gordon chuckled deeply at his joke while the Labour benches groaned. There are, after all, some very rotund Labour MPs…
Mr Speaker, dressed resplendently as King Neptune, dozed contentedly.
Jo Swinson, the most beguiling mermaid the east coast had yet seen, rose shimmering to oohs and aahs from the assembled beach lovers. She asked the Prime Minister if he had been surfing while here, since the wave of optimism which had greeted his arrival at Number 10 had diminished to a millpond. Would he now paddle off? Gordon said that the calmness of the seas was a global phenomenon and that he felt he was the right person to steer Britain into choppier waters. He then realised what he had said and tried to correct himself, saying he meant he wanted bigger waves for Britain, at which point he gabbled out a commitment to spend £20m on installing wave machines in any seaside community which wanted them. At this point the ‘House’ shouted ‘Wave goodbye’ rather rudely, startling a flock of seagulls nearby, which flew into the air over the assembled Parliamentarians and made perhaps the most telling political comment of the day all over them.
David Heath, seaweed dripping from his beard, a trident in his hand and a trout rammed down his netting trunks asked if Gordon had enjoyed the fishing while in Southwold as he seemed incapable of catching anything in London other than bad headlines. Gordon responded that since 1997 bad headlines had increased by 400% and that this was a direct result of his stewardship of the economy. He intended to continue that record as long as he remained in office. He then realised what he had said, flicked through his notes and answered: ‘Er, yes, a huge flounder’.
Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper went bowling in the arcade, they then went strolling and drank Lemonade.
Michael Howard, the only person there to be wearing a suit, asked Gordon why he was such an oily, unpopular figure and what he proposed to do about it. Gordon said he wasn’t sure which one of them Mr Howard was referring to but he suggested that Mr Howard might take a long walk along Southwold’s relatively short pier. Mr Howard smiled that smile of his and children ran screaming to their mummies.
Dave rose once more to ask Gordon if he had any plans for an evening out while at the seaside. Gordon said he planned to visit a restaurant with his wife later on after a planned tour of the famous Adnams brewery. Dave leapt up, unable to believe his luck and bellowed out rather too quickly for full effect that he hoped the Prime Minister would not seek to organise any celebrations in the brewery, as they would no doubt go awry. The Tories all put their buckets on their heads and shouted ‘nyah nyah ne nah nah’. David Davis immediately wished he had emptied out the crabs he had caught earlier before unending the bucket. His one-piece sackcloth robe and sandals were ruined to the sound of ‘clacking’ from the crabs.
Gordon said that as Prime Minister he had people to organise such events for him and they had done extremely well under New Labour. Dave said that he and his wife often organised such events in the local Hook Norton Brewery in his constituency of Witney and that they were always very successful. He doubted if Gordon could even manage this. He suggested that the Prime Minister call a General Election to allow the Tories to take control of all future ‘p*** ups in breweries’.
Gordon said that since 1997 brewery inebriation events had grown by 400% and that the rise in binge drinking alone demonstrated how much the Labour government had taken responsibility for this area of the economy. Every bottle of cheap cider represented money to the Treasury but he expected the Tories were too busy getting trolleyed on Port to know that. His time in office had led to a major expansion in the alcohol trade as more people drink to forget he’s Prime Minister. He finished with a pithy ‘so there’.
Ed Balls saved Yvette Cooper’s life: she nearly drowned.
Nicholas Winterton asked the Prime Minister if he would do anything to address the shameful real terms fall in MPs’ allowances since 1997. Mr Winterton said that if the current trend continued he and his wife might have to start paying their way for the first time since 1976. Gordon said he deplored this situation and he would write to the Honourable Gentleman immediately with an envelope full of used 20s.
Les Dennis then asked the Prime Minister if he would push off now as Keith Harris and Orville were due on at any moment. Gordon said he wished he could fly right up to the sky but he couldn’t, although the Cabinet was apparently working on a plan to send him into orbit. Alastair Darling raised one of his substantial eyebrows slightly with the help of a colleague.
The ‘House’ then rose to attempt to refloat Nicholas Soames, who had fallen asleep below the beach huts and who was in danger of dying out of his natural environment.
Dave stood up in rather fetching Speedos and a snorkel and asked; ‘Does the Prime Minister want a Mivvi or a 99?’ Gordon responded that since 1997 sales of both types of seaside delicacy had increased in real terms by over 400% and that this record showed that only a Labour government could guarantee the traditional seaside holiday.
Dave asked the question again, reminding the Prime Minister, to raucous catcalls from the Labour benches, that one had a soft centre and the other was flaky. Which was he? Gordon hitched up his rubber ring around his waist and leant forward menacingly, his bare chest bulging flabbily through his all-in-one costume. He said he would have either because he, like hard-working families, was glad to get any kind of ice cream delicacy after a hard day digging on the beach. Tory toffs could not appreciate the importance of lollies and ice creams for ordinary British families.
The Tories cheered as Dave pushed his snorkel back on his head and declared: ‘That’s what he’s good at: digging holes. What he’s not so good at is building the strong foundations for a healthy economy’. Several Tories had to be thrown off the side of the pier in various stages of ecstasy. The ones that floated were later burned as witches. Gordon responded that under Labour, he could have a Mivvi and a 99 and a choc ice, whereas in 1997 he would only have been able to afford a Lemonade lolly. He asked Dave if he had had enough ‘lolly’ stick for now and suggested that he use it to dig himself a hole to hide in. The Labour benches stayed silent in delight at this stinging rebuke.
Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper made out under the docks.
Ann Widdecombe, her bathing suit set to ‘stun’, asked Gordon if he would kiss her quick. Gordon responded that he would rather embrace a flatulent jellyfish. He condemned her for bringing the House into disrepute and told her she should come out from behind that funny ‘fat lady’ photo board and ask a sensible question. He then realised that there was no board and apologised.
Nickers asked Gordon why the government’s record on piers was so lamentable. The only new pier built under Labour was this one, while in the West Country there had been a significant reduction in pier capacity in recent weeks, with the worrying side effect of allowing Lord Archer onto the airwaves once more. Was this a symptom of the government’s mismanagement of the global economy? Gordon responded that his government took pier provision seriously and that hard working families would be given the opportunity once a year to visit a pier of their choice whereas under the Tories piers had, er, been more limited. Only under Labour was the supply of piers going up year on year.
Nick said yes, but what about the Olympics? Would the Prime Minister still be going to Beijing for the opening ceremony? This stumped Gordon, who replied after a few moments bewilderment that yes he would be going and he would a-pier with the Chinese President, Mr Hu. Gordon chuckled deeply at his joke while the Labour benches groaned. There are, after all, some very rotund Labour MPs…
Mr Speaker, dressed resplendently as King Neptune, dozed contentedly.
Jo Swinson, the most beguiling mermaid the east coast had yet seen, rose shimmering to oohs and aahs from the assembled beach lovers. She asked the Prime Minister if he had been surfing while here, since the wave of optimism which had greeted his arrival at Number 10 had diminished to a millpond. Would he now paddle off? Gordon said that the calmness of the seas was a global phenomenon and that he felt he was the right person to steer Britain into choppier waters. He then realised what he had said and tried to correct himself, saying he meant he wanted bigger waves for Britain, at which point he gabbled out a commitment to spend £20m on installing wave machines in any seaside community which wanted them. At this point the ‘House’ shouted ‘Wave goodbye’ rather rudely, startling a flock of seagulls nearby, which flew into the air over the assembled Parliamentarians and made perhaps the most telling political comment of the day all over them.
David Heath, seaweed dripping from his beard, a trident in his hand and a trout rammed down his netting trunks asked if Gordon had enjoyed the fishing while in Southwold as he seemed incapable of catching anything in London other than bad headlines. Gordon responded that since 1997 bad headlines had increased by 400% and that this was a direct result of his stewardship of the economy. He intended to continue that record as long as he remained in office. He then realised what he had said, flicked through his notes and answered: ‘Er, yes, a huge flounder’.
Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper went bowling in the arcade, they then went strolling and drank Lemonade.
Michael Howard, the only person there to be wearing a suit, asked Gordon why he was such an oily, unpopular figure and what he proposed to do about it. Gordon said he wasn’t sure which one of them Mr Howard was referring to but he suggested that Mr Howard might take a long walk along Southwold’s relatively short pier. Mr Howard smiled that smile of his and children ran screaming to their mummies.
Dave rose once more to ask Gordon if he had any plans for an evening out while at the seaside. Gordon said he planned to visit a restaurant with his wife later on after a planned tour of the famous Adnams brewery. Dave leapt up, unable to believe his luck and bellowed out rather too quickly for full effect that he hoped the Prime Minister would not seek to organise any celebrations in the brewery, as they would no doubt go awry. The Tories all put their buckets on their heads and shouted ‘nyah nyah ne nah nah’. David Davis immediately wished he had emptied out the crabs he had caught earlier before unending the bucket. His one-piece sackcloth robe and sandals were ruined to the sound of ‘clacking’ from the crabs.
Gordon said that as Prime Minister he had people to organise such events for him and they had done extremely well under New Labour. Dave said that he and his wife often organised such events in the local Hook Norton Brewery in his constituency of Witney and that they were always very successful. He doubted if Gordon could even manage this. He suggested that the Prime Minister call a General Election to allow the Tories to take control of all future ‘p*** ups in breweries’.
Gordon said that since 1997 brewery inebriation events had grown by 400% and that the rise in binge drinking alone demonstrated how much the Labour government had taken responsibility for this area of the economy. Every bottle of cheap cider represented money to the Treasury but he expected the Tories were too busy getting trolleyed on Port to know that. His time in office had led to a major expansion in the alcohol trade as more people drink to forget he’s Prime Minister. He finished with a pithy ‘so there’.
Ed Balls saved Yvette Cooper’s life: she nearly drowned.
Nicholas Winterton asked the Prime Minister if he would do anything to address the shameful real terms fall in MPs’ allowances since 1997. Mr Winterton said that if the current trend continued he and his wife might have to start paying their way for the first time since 1976. Gordon said he deplored this situation and he would write to the Honourable Gentleman immediately with an envelope full of used 20s.
Les Dennis then asked the Prime Minister if he would push off now as Keith Harris and Orville were due on at any moment. Gordon said he wished he could fly right up to the sky but he couldn’t, although the Cabinet was apparently working on a plan to send him into orbit. Alastair Darling raised one of his substantial eyebrows slightly with the help of a colleague.
The ‘House’ then rose to attempt to refloat Nicholas Soames, who had fallen asleep below the beach huts and who was in danger of dying out of his natural environment.
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
HOW TO MAKE A EUROPE ORGANICALLY
Catching up my Economists - I'm three weeks behind - I read about Belgium's continuing trials in staying united and setting up a viable government. Belgium's problem is that it is not country as such but a collection of 3 regions: Wallonia; Flanders and Brussels. The article is subtitled 'another step in a low country's slow unravelling' and I an inclined to agree.
On a more positive note, this brings me back to an idea I considered back when I was a bit cleverer, i.e. at college, for allowing the EU to grow more organically. If you will permit me, I shall expand.
Belgium, Northern Ireland, the Basque Country, Catalonia, Bavaria, the benighted Balkans, Scotland, the Scottish ISlands (yes Alex, they want autonomy from Edinburgh) and Wales are all distinct regions in Europe, some of which have arisen out of modern politics but others of which could have become countries in their own right if history had gone just a little differently. Most of them (Northern Ireland is the obvious exception) have sought greater autonomy at some stage and some of them have achieved it but there remains a tension in most of them.
From the other direction the EU is never going to be a viable entity as long as the myth of the European Parliament as legislature continues. National governments will NEVER give power away to the Euro Parliament. The Parliament is a scrutinising body and it is good at this role.
What Europe needs is a government, something to really drive it forward, and that government should not be an unelected Commission.
Meeting in the middle, what about allowing regions within European members to 'join' the EU directly? This would be more positive than them seceding from their original countries as they would simply be becoming part of the same club.
Each of the regions thus joining could have a minister at the Council of Ministers, though crucially they would be denied a veto. Over time the number of ministers from different regions would grow and their voting power would increase. New relationships would develop and eventually a critical mass would be achieved at which point the 'old' countries could see their vetoes removed. It would probably be best to arrange this 'critical mass' in advance to avoid later politicking to put the day off.
After a while, bingo, there's your new main chamber, with the Euro Parliament as the Second Chamber. If each regional representative was elected it could even be called 'democracy'!
The alternative is continued fudging, ethnic and regional tensions and possible conflict or breakdown within Europe. If you don't think this is possible, just spend a moment reflecting on the past 150 years of our shared history.
On a more positive note, this brings me back to an idea I considered back when I was a bit cleverer, i.e. at college, for allowing the EU to grow more organically. If you will permit me, I shall expand.
Belgium, Northern Ireland, the Basque Country, Catalonia, Bavaria, the benighted Balkans, Scotland, the Scottish ISlands (yes Alex, they want autonomy from Edinburgh) and Wales are all distinct regions in Europe, some of which have arisen out of modern politics but others of which could have become countries in their own right if history had gone just a little differently. Most of them (Northern Ireland is the obvious exception) have sought greater autonomy at some stage and some of them have achieved it but there remains a tension in most of them.
From the other direction the EU is never going to be a viable entity as long as the myth of the European Parliament as legislature continues. National governments will NEVER give power away to the Euro Parliament. The Parliament is a scrutinising body and it is good at this role.
What Europe needs is a government, something to really drive it forward, and that government should not be an unelected Commission.
Meeting in the middle, what about allowing regions within European members to 'join' the EU directly? This would be more positive than them seceding from their original countries as they would simply be becoming part of the same club.
Each of the regions thus joining could have a minister at the Council of Ministers, though crucially they would be denied a veto. Over time the number of ministers from different regions would grow and their voting power would increase. New relationships would develop and eventually a critical mass would be achieved at which point the 'old' countries could see their vetoes removed. It would probably be best to arrange this 'critical mass' in advance to avoid later politicking to put the day off.
After a while, bingo, there's your new main chamber, with the Euro Parliament as the Second Chamber. If each regional representative was elected it could even be called 'democracy'!
The alternative is continued fudging, ethnic and regional tensions and possible conflict or breakdown within Europe. If you don't think this is possible, just spend a moment reflecting on the past 150 years of our shared history.
AAH, LOOK! A NEW FAMILY OF QUANGOS!
Fresh from ditching the policy after the 2005 election disaster the Tories have revived the ‘pupil voucher’ scheme. Bertie Wooster-ish Michael Gove has announced that pupils will be given a voucher and the poorest will be given a premium to make them more attractive to schools. That sounds very familiar.
The Tories will of course cry that it is not the same, that it will be printed on different paper and have a new picture on it but, as the old phrase goes, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.
Now this new ‘policy’ should be encouraged. The Tories seldom come out with anything concrete so let’s welcome the proposal and give it a moment’s reflection. There is a simple but, I think, quite important question: how will it work? My question is quite simple but I doubt any Tory will ever answer it. So let’s speculate.
The government will set up a national QUANGO/agency – for after all it was the Tories who nurtured the humble QUANGO and made it fly and reproduce so that it can be found everywhere in the country. Perhaps the Tories will encourage lots of little QUANGOs to grow all over the country to work with the big QUANGO somewhere in Whitehall. And of course all these QUANGOs will need staff and payment for the hard-working business people who will selflessly devote a day a month to the little kiddies.
There is also the issue of how schools plan for their pupils each year. Will they advertise? Will they have open days, give out balloons in the high street? Perhaps a raffle to win a car for the lucky parent who signs their kids up for double Algebra and Citizenship? How will schools retain teachers when there is no predictability each year? Oh, hang on. Teachers don’t vote for the Tories, do they, so there’s no problem there. Will unsuccessful schools simply close or, more likely, will local authorities be forced to prop them up?
But it’s the QUANGO issue which vexes me. What we need is less administration, not more. Fewer bureaucrats and unelected people running things (trust me, I’m a bureaucrat…). In short, we need devolved education, healthcare, Uncle Tom Cobbley and all.
What Michael Gove is promising us is more bureaucracy – which of course means less money going into, er, teaching stuff - more uncertainty for the education sector, more jobs for Tories, of course, more expense for local authorities – and we know damn well the Tories have no intention of getting rid of their hated Council Tax, so that means higher local taxation and service cuts every year.
Essentially what Dave is promising us with this, his first ‘policy’, is to pick up where we left off in 1997 – and we all remember how well that government went, don’t we?
The Tories will of course cry that it is not the same, that it will be printed on different paper and have a new picture on it but, as the old phrase goes, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.
Now this new ‘policy’ should be encouraged. The Tories seldom come out with anything concrete so let’s welcome the proposal and give it a moment’s reflection. There is a simple but, I think, quite important question: how will it work? My question is quite simple but I doubt any Tory will ever answer it. So let’s speculate.
The government will set up a national QUANGO/agency – for after all it was the Tories who nurtured the humble QUANGO and made it fly and reproduce so that it can be found everywhere in the country. Perhaps the Tories will encourage lots of little QUANGOs to grow all over the country to work with the big QUANGO somewhere in Whitehall. And of course all these QUANGOs will need staff and payment for the hard-working business people who will selflessly devote a day a month to the little kiddies.
There is also the issue of how schools plan for their pupils each year. Will they advertise? Will they have open days, give out balloons in the high street? Perhaps a raffle to win a car for the lucky parent who signs their kids up for double Algebra and Citizenship? How will schools retain teachers when there is no predictability each year? Oh, hang on. Teachers don’t vote for the Tories, do they, so there’s no problem there. Will unsuccessful schools simply close or, more likely, will local authorities be forced to prop them up?
But it’s the QUANGO issue which vexes me. What we need is less administration, not more. Fewer bureaucrats and unelected people running things (trust me, I’m a bureaucrat…). In short, we need devolved education, healthcare, Uncle Tom Cobbley and all.
What Michael Gove is promising us is more bureaucracy – which of course means less money going into, er, teaching stuff - more uncertainty for the education sector, more jobs for Tories, of course, more expense for local authorities – and we know damn well the Tories have no intention of getting rid of their hated Council Tax, so that means higher local taxation and service cuts every year.
Essentially what Dave is promising us with this, his first ‘policy’, is to pick up where we left off in 1997 – and we all remember how well that government went, don’t we?
Monday, 4 August 2008
HIDE AS THE MEDIA HIES AWA' TAE EDINBURGH
Another year, another tired build up to the Edinburgh Festival. Another series of self-indulgent reports on BBC2, another chance for the Today programme to try to be even cleverer than it normally tries to be (usually missing the target by a few hundred miles). Another chance for James Naughtie to be all knowingly Scottish in that gut wrenching way he has. Another chance for Kirstie Wark to be all arty farty as only she can (I find her professional Scottishness easier to bear - perhaps because she isn't a complete imbecile like Dim Jim).
Another chance for all the broadsheets to produce endless drivel about this year's great new acts, to lament the decline of fringe, to hail the return of someone who has, er, returned, to report on the musings of TV executives - as if anyone gave a damn.
I have nothing against Edinburgh and the festival, I just don't want to be subjected to the blanket coverage this regional event always receives...
Another chance for all the broadsheets to produce endless drivel about this year's great new acts, to lament the decline of fringe, to hail the return of someone who has, er, returned, to report on the musings of TV executives - as if anyone gave a damn.
I have nothing against Edinburgh and the festival, I just don't want to be subjected to the blanket coverage this regional event always receives...
LET'S JUST BAN ALL 'DAVIDS' FROM BEING PM
According to the ‘leaked’ memo from Tony Blair from September, Gordon Brown has ‘dissed’ the government’s record, which was a fatal strategic error, in Tone’s oh-so-humble opinion.
Well, putting aside the failure to reform the constitution when he had a massive majority in 1997, his obsession with style over substance, his inability to address the fundamentals of the health service, instead seeking only to throw money at the problem so that it partially went away, his complete failure to deal with the steadily worsening transport disaster in this country and, of course, the monumentally catastrophic, short-sighted and unbelievably damaging decision to join in the US Neo-Con War on Iraq – without thinking about the day after the Iraqis rolled over and surrendered or the impact it would have on the other countries of the benighted Middle East – not forgetting little old Iran,, I’d say that any former Prime Minister whose best effort at constructive criticism of the current government is to say they had ‘dissed’ his record really isn’t worth listening to, ‘cause he can’t even speak English.
And that, strangely enough, is an argument in favour of Gordon Brown, albeit obliquely. I heard that David Miliband on the radio the other day. Nice bloke, friendly, even pleasant but if ever anyone looked and sounded like the most blatant ‘Mini-me’ Tone clone it was wee Davey. He even went so far as to do the Tony Blair patented ‘t’ dropping at the end of words to show how earnest he was. Jesus Christ and his Apostles (plus a cohort of Cardinals if you’re ‘God told me to do it’ Tone, of course)!
Now there’s no denying that wee Davey Miliband is clever and competent and in time he would probably make a passable Prime Minister. However, it is my humble contention that he’ll be a complete disaster as long as he seeks simply to copy the former Prime Minister, rather than seeking to be his own person.
That may perhaps be why Gordon Brown seems to be so dreadful. He is largely being himself but it’s kind of like the Wurzels following Shirley Bassey on stage at the Albert Hall.
If I were a Labour MP, even one of the venal, cowardly ones, I trust I would still see that Brown, for all his myriad faults, remains the best game in town Changing the driver at a time when the Tories are riding high on their bubble of spin is not an election winning tactic. Taking apart their policies is.
Then again, perhaps Gordon has reached his lowest ebb. The Independent article I read ended with a quote from the Magnificent Vince defending Gordon. If you have to rely on the Liberal Democrats it may be too late…I just can’t bring myself to stomach a Tory government.
Well, putting aside the failure to reform the constitution when he had a massive majority in 1997, his obsession with style over substance, his inability to address the fundamentals of the health service, instead seeking only to throw money at the problem so that it partially went away, his complete failure to deal with the steadily worsening transport disaster in this country and, of course, the monumentally catastrophic, short-sighted and unbelievably damaging decision to join in the US Neo-Con War on Iraq – without thinking about the day after the Iraqis rolled over and surrendered or the impact it would have on the other countries of the benighted Middle East – not forgetting little old Iran,, I’d say that any former Prime Minister whose best effort at constructive criticism of the current government is to say they had ‘dissed’ his record really isn’t worth listening to, ‘cause he can’t even speak English.
And that, strangely enough, is an argument in favour of Gordon Brown, albeit obliquely. I heard that David Miliband on the radio the other day. Nice bloke, friendly, even pleasant but if ever anyone looked and sounded like the most blatant ‘Mini-me’ Tone clone it was wee Davey. He even went so far as to do the Tony Blair patented ‘t’ dropping at the end of words to show how earnest he was. Jesus Christ and his Apostles (plus a cohort of Cardinals if you’re ‘God told me to do it’ Tone, of course)!
Now there’s no denying that wee Davey Miliband is clever and competent and in time he would probably make a passable Prime Minister. However, it is my humble contention that he’ll be a complete disaster as long as he seeks simply to copy the former Prime Minister, rather than seeking to be his own person.
That may perhaps be why Gordon Brown seems to be so dreadful. He is largely being himself but it’s kind of like the Wurzels following Shirley Bassey on stage at the Albert Hall.
If I were a Labour MP, even one of the venal, cowardly ones, I trust I would still see that Brown, for all his myriad faults, remains the best game in town Changing the driver at a time when the Tories are riding high on their bubble of spin is not an election winning tactic. Taking apart their policies is.
Then again, perhaps Gordon has reached his lowest ebb. The Independent article I read ended with a quote from the Magnificent Vince defending Gordon. If you have to rely on the Liberal Democrats it may be too late…I just can’t bring myself to stomach a Tory government.
GOVERNMENT CONFIRMS NO NEW NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS
Another victory for common sense as it was revealed today that the government has effectively issued a ‘blank cheque’ to the owners of Sellafield to clean up after any future security incident.
As everyone knows, the government says that any new nuclear power stations will not be subsidised in any way by the government so there’s no chance of any being built.
Right?
As everyone knows, the government says that any new nuclear power stations will not be subsidised in any way by the government so there’s no chance of any being built.
Right?
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