Channel 4 has an entertaining drama about the English Civil War at the moment, charmingly entitled ‘The Devil’s Whore'. One of the scenes in the latest episode was the critical moment that precipitated the whole slaughter when King Charles entered the House of Commons and demanded that the Speaker point out the 5 MPs he sought to arrest. As every history buff knows, paraphrased, the Speaker said he had neither eyes to see nor tongue to speak save as the House commanded him.
I wonder if Speaker Michael Martin is a history buff or if he has carelessly overlooked this fundamental moment in our political history. I’m sure Damian Green MP would like to know.
Friday, 28 November 2008
Thursday, 27 November 2008
PMQs – A MINOR RANT
I caught up with PMQs late last night and it once again confirmed my view that Dave’s the one in trouble, not Brown. Dave made some clever comments and attacked the cowardly Prime Minister over the government’s pre-budget report but it all just sounded trite in the face of the huge financial crisis caused by the banks. Together with the 13th Baronet Osborne at the subsequent debate on the PBR, Dave singularly failed to give any hint of a Tory alternative plan. It may be PMQs but surely any sensible opposition would seek to indicate what it would do faced with the current crisis.
That’s the trouble for the Tories. They are so far out of their depth that Pamela Anderson is likely to make an appearance any day.
Of coruse this doesn’t mean that Broon is in any way effective. His responses were also rather too scripted and he suffers from that terrible weakness of never answering a question straight – with the honourable exception of the question from a backbench Tory who asked if he could name any one of the three countries with a bigger deficit that the UK, to which he smartly replied to the dullard, “America”. That brought a genuine laugh for once, not the usual braying, theatrical nonsense which makes you physically sick.
Nickers looked unbelievably young as he’s clearly had his hair cut recently. The initial response to him standing up was to welcome another ‘Take your sons to work day’ but it turned out to be the man himself. His question was somewhat overshadowed by the comments on the terrible rape case from his home town of Sheffield, so he failed to make a great impact. Sometimes real life is more important than abysmal political point scoring.
I will make a mental note to only listen to PMQs in future because Brown’s facial tic is very unnerving and I found myself sitting on the sofa trying to copy it, which is impossible. It is somewhat akin to a child with lockjaw being told to swallow a Brussels Sprout.
PMQs is overwhelmingly trite and stupid that one wonders what the point of it is. What about the PM attending a weekly committee meeting to face a more sensible grilling from a rotating group of MPs? The PM – whoever that may be - would hate it but we might at least learn something. At a time when we are all considering our harmful emissions, PMQs is a weekly outpouring of carbon and adenaline which the world could surely do without.
That’s the trouble for the Tories. They are so far out of their depth that Pamela Anderson is likely to make an appearance any day.
Of coruse this doesn’t mean that Broon is in any way effective. His responses were also rather too scripted and he suffers from that terrible weakness of never answering a question straight – with the honourable exception of the question from a backbench Tory who asked if he could name any one of the three countries with a bigger deficit that the UK, to which he smartly replied to the dullard, “America”. That brought a genuine laugh for once, not the usual braying, theatrical nonsense which makes you physically sick.
Nickers looked unbelievably young as he’s clearly had his hair cut recently. The initial response to him standing up was to welcome another ‘Take your sons to work day’ but it turned out to be the man himself. His question was somewhat overshadowed by the comments on the terrible rape case from his home town of Sheffield, so he failed to make a great impact. Sometimes real life is more important than abysmal political point scoring.
I will make a mental note to only listen to PMQs in future because Brown’s facial tic is very unnerving and I found myself sitting on the sofa trying to copy it, which is impossible. It is somewhat akin to a child with lockjaw being told to swallow a Brussels Sprout.
PMQs is overwhelmingly trite and stupid that one wonders what the point of it is. What about the PM attending a weekly committee meeting to face a more sensible grilling from a rotating group of MPs? The PM – whoever that may be - would hate it but we might at least learn something. At a time when we are all considering our harmful emissions, PMQs is a weekly outpouring of carbon and adenaline which the world could surely do without.
OR, TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY…
Gordon strode in to the Chamber, underpants set to Level 3 – gravitas - to face the current crisis.
Doug Elghorn (Perdition New Town) asked the Prime Minister if he believed the current banking crisis had been entirely the fault of other people or if it was only largely the fault of others. Gordon responded that under New Labour the economy had grown by 400% since 1997 so it was inevitable that the current crisis had caused it to fall back slightly due to the global economic crisis. Luckily, as he had messed things up so comprehensively he was clearly the right man to try to mop it up now. New Labour MPs cheered weakly, some openly crying in what appeared to be gestures of despair.
With the Speaker’s permission, Nicholas Soames began to rise to ask a question later.
Dave rose, uncertainly, as he only had his neatly coiffed hairdo to protect him in this battle. He asked the Prime Minister if he had killed the dinosaurs. Gordon rose to his feet, showing no hint of any sense of humour and responded that the world faced a huge crisis and that throwing wads of cash out of helicopters over marginal northern towns was the only way to stimulate the economy.
Dave rose, his parting wilting under the strain, to repeat his question. Was the Prime Minister responsible for killing the dinosaurs. Gordon again responded with more seriousness than a 19th century book on steam trains in a monastery library. He said the actions of his government had been followed by countries around the world, several of which had proclaimed him a saint and one of which has minted a new currency with pictures from his holidays on the front.
Soames continued his glorious yet laboured ascent, aided by a large number of nervous Tories pushing from behind.
Dave hit back at the Prime Minister with his ‘exasperated’ whine which only younger members and dogs in the Westminster area could tune into. He asked whether the government should have done more to secure the safety of the dinosaurs in the years before the current crisis, so that they had the resources to invest in maintaining the dinosaurs when the meteor hit the Yucatan Peninsula. The Tories brayed and guffawed obsequiously at the usual signal.
Gordon was nonplussed by the question as he had not heard it. No matter, for his answer had been written several hours previously, regardless of the question. He said the Chancellor’s plans for a 2p a year increase in taxes for those on incomes of over £150,000 from 2011, a reduction in VAT so that the plasma TVs in shops which aren’t being sold could now not be sold for an even lower price and his plans to burn pensioners to reduce their fuel bills would turn the economy round and be welcomed across the world by right thinking people.
Soames had reached the critical position between standing and sitting, which could result in a number of by-elections. The House watched anxiously.
Meanwhile, Dave did his mock scoff to stage left, turned to the speaker with his angry face and jabby finger and demanded to know why the government wouldn’t let the opposition play any more. The Tories pointed accusingly at the Labour benches, crying ‘meanies’. Gordon said that the world faced an unprecedented crisis [at this point the broadcast was interrupted by a potter’s wheel and power stations across the country ramped up their output as bored viewers simultaneously turned on their kettles] only New Labour could address.
Dave spotted his chance and did his ‘schoolboy who’s got the answer to a tough prep question set by the Latin Master’, decrying “Isn’t the real lesson that he smells, his government’s rotten and New Labour is dead?” Dave sat down looking frightfully chuffed with himself and several Tories later said it was his best statement ever in politics. Gordon said the economies of America, France and Germany had experienced [at this point the Honourable Members got out their yo yos, made paper aeroplanes, picked their noses and wrote Christmas cards to try to get through the monotony] …would be doing better than ever thanks to the Chancellor’s pre-budget report.
Soames was upright! Joy was unconfined and several sweating, exhausted Tories sank to their knees in relief. He asked the Prime Minister if the pre-budget report would be helping poor people, as he cared very deeply for them all and had even met one or two while addressing his staff. Gordon responded that only New Labour would help hard working families by increasing their National Insurance in future years to stop them binge drinking. Soames sat back rather too sharply, precipitating a by-election in Market Harborough.
Mr Speaker called an end to the session and the Prime Minister turned the setting on his underpants down to ‘2’, serious. A gentle hiss emanated from his nether regions as the hubris and self satisfaction slowly dispersed around the Chamber.
Doug Elghorn (Perdition New Town) asked the Prime Minister if he believed the current banking crisis had been entirely the fault of other people or if it was only largely the fault of others. Gordon responded that under New Labour the economy had grown by 400% since 1997 so it was inevitable that the current crisis had caused it to fall back slightly due to the global economic crisis. Luckily, as he had messed things up so comprehensively he was clearly the right man to try to mop it up now. New Labour MPs cheered weakly, some openly crying in what appeared to be gestures of despair.
With the Speaker’s permission, Nicholas Soames began to rise to ask a question later.
Dave rose, uncertainly, as he only had his neatly coiffed hairdo to protect him in this battle. He asked the Prime Minister if he had killed the dinosaurs. Gordon rose to his feet, showing no hint of any sense of humour and responded that the world faced a huge crisis and that throwing wads of cash out of helicopters over marginal northern towns was the only way to stimulate the economy.
Dave rose, his parting wilting under the strain, to repeat his question. Was the Prime Minister responsible for killing the dinosaurs. Gordon again responded with more seriousness than a 19th century book on steam trains in a monastery library. He said the actions of his government had been followed by countries around the world, several of which had proclaimed him a saint and one of which has minted a new currency with pictures from his holidays on the front.
Soames continued his glorious yet laboured ascent, aided by a large number of nervous Tories pushing from behind.
Dave hit back at the Prime Minister with his ‘exasperated’ whine which only younger members and dogs in the Westminster area could tune into. He asked whether the government should have done more to secure the safety of the dinosaurs in the years before the current crisis, so that they had the resources to invest in maintaining the dinosaurs when the meteor hit the Yucatan Peninsula. The Tories brayed and guffawed obsequiously at the usual signal.
Gordon was nonplussed by the question as he had not heard it. No matter, for his answer had been written several hours previously, regardless of the question. He said the Chancellor’s plans for a 2p a year increase in taxes for those on incomes of over £150,000 from 2011, a reduction in VAT so that the plasma TVs in shops which aren’t being sold could now not be sold for an even lower price and his plans to burn pensioners to reduce their fuel bills would turn the economy round and be welcomed across the world by right thinking people.
Soames had reached the critical position between standing and sitting, which could result in a number of by-elections. The House watched anxiously.
Meanwhile, Dave did his mock scoff to stage left, turned to the speaker with his angry face and jabby finger and demanded to know why the government wouldn’t let the opposition play any more. The Tories pointed accusingly at the Labour benches, crying ‘meanies’. Gordon said that the world faced an unprecedented crisis [at this point the broadcast was interrupted by a potter’s wheel and power stations across the country ramped up their output as bored viewers simultaneously turned on their kettles] only New Labour could address.
Dave spotted his chance and did his ‘schoolboy who’s got the answer to a tough prep question set by the Latin Master’, decrying “Isn’t the real lesson that he smells, his government’s rotten and New Labour is dead?” Dave sat down looking frightfully chuffed with himself and several Tories later said it was his best statement ever in politics. Gordon said the economies of America, France and Germany had experienced [at this point the Honourable Members got out their yo yos, made paper aeroplanes, picked their noses and wrote Christmas cards to try to get through the monotony] …would be doing better than ever thanks to the Chancellor’s pre-budget report.
Soames was upright! Joy was unconfined and several sweating, exhausted Tories sank to their knees in relief. He asked the Prime Minister if the pre-budget report would be helping poor people, as he cared very deeply for them all and had even met one or two while addressing his staff. Gordon responded that only New Labour would help hard working families by increasing their National Insurance in future years to stop them binge drinking. Soames sat back rather too sharply, precipitating a by-election in Market Harborough.
Mr Speaker called an end to the session and the Prime Minister turned the setting on his underpants down to ‘2’, serious. A gentle hiss emanated from his nether regions as the hubris and self satisfaction slowly dispersed around the Chamber.
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
WHY DON'T WE TARGET THE TORIES?
According to the Independent Dave has announced that a future Tory government would offer tax cuts and reduced public spending. This is in response to the rather successful Labour policy of tax cuts which is being trailed feverishly before Monday’s pre-budget report. As a result, Dave’s Tories have now seen their lead over Labout slump to 3%
More disturbingly our poll rating has slipped to 12%. Now this is only one poll and there is clear evidence of a two party squeeze as the old parties hog the headlines - Gordon with his surprisingly impressive recent performance and Dave with his mind-boggling incompetence in the face of a genuine ‘issue’ and his incomprehensible failure to sack the talentless 13th Baronet Osborne as Shadow Chancellor.
In recent months and years many bloggers have called for us to target Labour seats to increase our representation, citing good evidence that Labour is on the skids and that we are challenging them in seats primarily in the north. I’ve disagreed with this all along and I continue to, since I think Gordon Brown is no fool, even if he is a coward when it comes to elections. Now that they have Lord Voldemort of Hartlepool and Foy back in the fold they need to be given due respect. I think recent events have borne out my argument (but then I would, wouldn’t I…).
Dave is not the Messiah. He is a very effective communicator but he remains hidebound by a lack of depth, a bizarre attachment to his old school chums the like of which we all thought had died out with the passing of P.G, Wodehouse, and a dizzying lack of policies which have been shown up so starkly with the recent financial crisis.
Crucially for the Tories, Dave is the last throw of their dice following more leadership changes than the Italian government. Who could replace him? David Davis, whom half the party despises for not being a toadying loyalist in the way Tories are supposed to be? Theresa May, who could do it but whose profile is simply not high enough? Ken Clarke, a nice guy and genuinely popular but clearly a throwback to a bygone era and a terrible indictment of the new Tory Party? My list runs out there. [I cannot even mention the puffy fingered buffoon who is currently Mayor of London as potential Tory leader - and thus possible Prime Minister - as the mere thought of it fills me with a rare, blood-freezing dread]
The Tories will always have a rump of support. There will always be a constituency which is scared of change, dislikes foreigners, reads the Daily Mail and moans endlessly about everything. This constituency has always seemed important because many of their number are stupidly rich and very vocal in support of whatever pointless cause they subscribe to, such as fox-hunting. However, just because they are very obvious and upfront does not make them a majority, or even a significant minority.
There will also be graduates who think they should own a VW Golf, read the Sunday Times, aspire to be on the Apprentice and vote Tory as this is what ‘successful’ people do. However, countless surveys show that LDs walk away with all student elections as we are the only party with any kind of message to really inspire people, so our majority among graduates should be there for the taking if we can reinforce that early idealism among young people – perhaps with electoral success.
Tories old and new will always exist but this does not mean that we can’t seek a unique 'once-in-a-generation’ opportunity to break them across huge swathes of the country. In local contests we have done best when we have targeted the other opposition party and wiped them out, making LDs the only choice in any area. Why should such a strategy not work nationally?
Happily it seems that the Westminster party is doing just this, which makes this blog, rather uncomfortably, an endorsement of them. For after all, aren’t blogs supposed to be self-centred whinges.
Must try harder…
More disturbingly our poll rating has slipped to 12%. Now this is only one poll and there is clear evidence of a two party squeeze as the old parties hog the headlines - Gordon with his surprisingly impressive recent performance and Dave with his mind-boggling incompetence in the face of a genuine ‘issue’ and his incomprehensible failure to sack the talentless 13th Baronet Osborne as Shadow Chancellor.
In recent months and years many bloggers have called for us to target Labour seats to increase our representation, citing good evidence that Labour is on the skids and that we are challenging them in seats primarily in the north. I’ve disagreed with this all along and I continue to, since I think Gordon Brown is no fool, even if he is a coward when it comes to elections. Now that they have Lord Voldemort of Hartlepool and Foy back in the fold they need to be given due respect. I think recent events have borne out my argument (but then I would, wouldn’t I…).
Dave is not the Messiah. He is a very effective communicator but he remains hidebound by a lack of depth, a bizarre attachment to his old school chums the like of which we all thought had died out with the passing of P.G, Wodehouse, and a dizzying lack of policies which have been shown up so starkly with the recent financial crisis.
Crucially for the Tories, Dave is the last throw of their dice following more leadership changes than the Italian government. Who could replace him? David Davis, whom half the party despises for not being a toadying loyalist in the way Tories are supposed to be? Theresa May, who could do it but whose profile is simply not high enough? Ken Clarke, a nice guy and genuinely popular but clearly a throwback to a bygone era and a terrible indictment of the new Tory Party? My list runs out there. [I cannot even mention the puffy fingered buffoon who is currently Mayor of London as potential Tory leader - and thus possible Prime Minister - as the mere thought of it fills me with a rare, blood-freezing dread]
The Tories will always have a rump of support. There will always be a constituency which is scared of change, dislikes foreigners, reads the Daily Mail and moans endlessly about everything. This constituency has always seemed important because many of their number are stupidly rich and very vocal in support of whatever pointless cause they subscribe to, such as fox-hunting. However, just because they are very obvious and upfront does not make them a majority, or even a significant minority.
There will also be graduates who think they should own a VW Golf, read the Sunday Times, aspire to be on the Apprentice and vote Tory as this is what ‘successful’ people do. However, countless surveys show that LDs walk away with all student elections as we are the only party with any kind of message to really inspire people, so our majority among graduates should be there for the taking if we can reinforce that early idealism among young people – perhaps with electoral success.
Tories old and new will always exist but this does not mean that we can’t seek a unique 'once-in-a-generation’ opportunity to break them across huge swathes of the country. In local contests we have done best when we have targeted the other opposition party and wiped them out, making LDs the only choice in any area. Why should such a strategy not work nationally?
Happily it seems that the Westminster party is doing just this, which makes this blog, rather uncomfortably, an endorsement of them. For after all, aren’t blogs supposed to be self-centred whinges.
Must try harder…
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
DAVE DOES TAX CUTS AS GEORGE PLAYS BATTLESHIPS IN THE BATHTUB
Dave was on the Today programme trying to negotiate his way through an interview with John Humphries, who seems to see it as a personal slight if his interviewee manages to complete a single phrase.
Dave was trying to present Tory plans for tax cuts as logical, fundable and not in any way knee-jerk following the strong hints from the government that tax cuts are imminent. He did well against the incessant blather and sniping from Humphries but the 'elephant in the room' of course was where was the 13th Baronet Osborne?
More uses for a George Osborne then: a water dwelling bird with a dodgy leg...
Dave was trying to present Tory plans for tax cuts as logical, fundable and not in any way knee-jerk following the strong hints from the government that tax cuts are imminent. He did well against the incessant blather and sniping from Humphries but the 'elephant in the room' of course was where was the 13th Baronet Osborne?
More uses for a George Osborne then: a water dwelling bird with a dodgy leg...
Thursday, 6 November 2008
BURN THE BLOGGERS. AIEEEE!
Bloggers have today complained that Hazel Blears is undermining politics. Bloggers have expressed dismay that she could be so dim as to think that free comment on the internet could damage democracy.
Blears is well known for being short, for her nervous grin and for her alarming use of platitudes over sensible comment but this latest attack has been seen as evidence that the whole political system could be irreversibly damaged if this pointless woman is allowed anywhere near to any positions of authority where she might be free to criticise free speech any more.
Ms Blears is the Minister in charge of burning books.
Blears is well known for being short, for her nervous grin and for her alarming use of platitudes over sensible comment but this latest attack has been seen as evidence that the whole political system could be irreversibly damaged if this pointless woman is allowed anywhere near to any positions of authority where she might be free to criticise free speech any more.
Ms Blears is the Minister in charge of burning books.
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
WELL DONE, BORAT. NOW GET ON AND DO SOMETHING!
Well, you would have to be churlish not to recognise the historic importance of today’s news…and that’s pretty much me, although for once I shall keep my churldom at bay.
Americans have to be admired from going in a very short space of time from segregation across a large part of their country to electing a black President and I for one congratulate their democracy. This really is a huge result and it hopefully changes everything. Someone said to me that Borat the Farmer could single-handedly revive the world economy through sheer optimism and it would be good to see that. He is clearly an inspiration in the Blairite way and that is the basis for my concerns about his impending Presidency, a point our grotesquely fawning journalists have not made so far.
Blair was elected in 1997 on a wave of hope and he had a thumping majority. He spent the first four years, er, trying to win the next election and completely fluffed the transformation of our country. We still have an unelected House of Lords. We still have a muddled local government system. We still have Council Tax. We still have no answer about what how to solve the problem of England in the halfway house of devolution which has been introduced badly. We still have a useless voting system. We still have an education system which is at best average to good. We still have huge and growing inequalities. We still have Mandelson in the Cabinet…
Blair’s proudest achievement may yet be showing the Tories how to get back into power, which I imagine wasn’t the original plan.
Borat needs to seize this moment for everybody’s sake. He needs to lead on the Middle East – and that means tough choices for Israel as well as Arab dictators. (I marvelled at the news this morning of Palestinian rocket attacks into Israel from Gaza – naughty Palestinians – which, the announcer added as an afterthought, followed Israeli assaults on suspected terrorists in Gaza, no doubt killing innocent Palestinians nearby, as these attacks inevitably do.) He needs to sort out the Iraq disaster and he needs to do something in Afghanistan, although that country has defied the best plans of the wiliest plotters for centuries so I wish him well.
Perhaps he could consider doing what the excellent Robert Fisk has suggested in his recent book: why not leave them all alone to sort their problems out themselves? Why not require the ludicrously heavily armed Israel to talk with its neighbours? Why not make aid for Egypt a condition of genuine democracy? Why not help the Palestinians to build a viable democratic state which recognises – and trades with – Israel, thus bringing security and prosperity to both states? But above all, why not do all this under the auspices of the international system rather than seeking to impose American values where they may not be wanted?
I know there is much Borat needs to do domestically but that is a matter for Americans and I for one am happy to leave them to it. Our country needs work too so we would do a lot worse than leave them with their shiny new epoch making President and look to our own laurels.
But for now this is clearly a biggie, so let’s look forward to acres of newsprint now we actually have something to read about. Let’s look forward to hours of television analysis, now there’s finally something to analyse. And let’s look forward to the time when Borat can get on with being President – hopefully a good one - and allowing us to read, hear or see about something else in the world as well.
I wish him every success.
Americans have to be admired from going in a very short space of time from segregation across a large part of their country to electing a black President and I for one congratulate their democracy. This really is a huge result and it hopefully changes everything. Someone said to me that Borat the Farmer could single-handedly revive the world economy through sheer optimism and it would be good to see that. He is clearly an inspiration in the Blairite way and that is the basis for my concerns about his impending Presidency, a point our grotesquely fawning journalists have not made so far.
Blair was elected in 1997 on a wave of hope and he had a thumping majority. He spent the first four years, er, trying to win the next election and completely fluffed the transformation of our country. We still have an unelected House of Lords. We still have a muddled local government system. We still have Council Tax. We still have no answer about what how to solve the problem of England in the halfway house of devolution which has been introduced badly. We still have a useless voting system. We still have an education system which is at best average to good. We still have huge and growing inequalities. We still have Mandelson in the Cabinet…
Blair’s proudest achievement may yet be showing the Tories how to get back into power, which I imagine wasn’t the original plan.
Borat needs to seize this moment for everybody’s sake. He needs to lead on the Middle East – and that means tough choices for Israel as well as Arab dictators. (I marvelled at the news this morning of Palestinian rocket attacks into Israel from Gaza – naughty Palestinians – which, the announcer added as an afterthought, followed Israeli assaults on suspected terrorists in Gaza, no doubt killing innocent Palestinians nearby, as these attacks inevitably do.) He needs to sort out the Iraq disaster and he needs to do something in Afghanistan, although that country has defied the best plans of the wiliest plotters for centuries so I wish him well.
Perhaps he could consider doing what the excellent Robert Fisk has suggested in his recent book: why not leave them all alone to sort their problems out themselves? Why not require the ludicrously heavily armed Israel to talk with its neighbours? Why not make aid for Egypt a condition of genuine democracy? Why not help the Palestinians to build a viable democratic state which recognises – and trades with – Israel, thus bringing security and prosperity to both states? But above all, why not do all this under the auspices of the international system rather than seeking to impose American values where they may not be wanted?
I know there is much Borat needs to do domestically but that is a matter for Americans and I for one am happy to leave them to it. Our country needs work too so we would do a lot worse than leave them with their shiny new epoch making President and look to our own laurels.
But for now this is clearly a biggie, so let’s look forward to acres of newsprint now we actually have something to read about. Let’s look forward to hours of television analysis, now there’s finally something to analyse. And let’s look forward to the time when Borat can get on with being President – hopefully a good one - and allowing us to read, hear or see about something else in the world as well.
I wish him every success.
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
VOTE FOR BORAT THE FARMER!
Blimey! Apparently there’s an election in America today. They elect a President every four years and this year there are two main candidates: Borat the Farmer and John Cocaine. I thought I would look to see if the papers reported anything about this and luckily they did.
It seems that Borat the Farmer is doing very well but he’s skinny and lots of Americans won’t vote for him because he’s a ‘skinny’. Fat people tend to vote Republican and wouldn’t dream of voting for a non-fat. That’s why John Cocaine thinks he might win. His name also sounds uncannily like an oven chip: ‘Cocaine’ – ‘McCain’. Weird…
Cocaine is also a war hero who was taken prisoner by Hong Kong, although I didn’t know Hong Kong had been at war with America. He was held prisoner in Hong Kong and this is why he can’t raise his arms. He says he wore suspenders for the whole time he was there so he can no longer raise them…or some such thing.
Anyway, it’s surprising to find out all about this as there’s been so little coverage in the media – shame on them! Tonight, to make up for it, both the BBC and ITV are going to speculate pointlessly for 5 hours before any results are announced and in the morning Rambling Jim Naughtie will have an orgasm live on Radio 4. Not sure what this has to do with the US election but it will probably be thrilling to listen to!
Why can’t we hear more about this election? Something should be done. We could perhaps get the Tories to attack the BBC, as that’s always good for a laugh, though ultimately pointless and a waste of everybody’s time.
It seems that Borat the Farmer is doing very well but he’s skinny and lots of Americans won’t vote for him because he’s a ‘skinny’. Fat people tend to vote Republican and wouldn’t dream of voting for a non-fat. That’s why John Cocaine thinks he might win. His name also sounds uncannily like an oven chip: ‘Cocaine’ – ‘McCain’. Weird…
Cocaine is also a war hero who was taken prisoner by Hong Kong, although I didn’t know Hong Kong had been at war with America. He was held prisoner in Hong Kong and this is why he can’t raise his arms. He says he wore suspenders for the whole time he was there so he can no longer raise them…or some such thing.
Anyway, it’s surprising to find out all about this as there’s been so little coverage in the media – shame on them! Tonight, to make up for it, both the BBC and ITV are going to speculate pointlessly for 5 hours before any results are announced and in the morning Rambling Jim Naughtie will have an orgasm live on Radio 4. Not sure what this has to do with the US election but it will probably be thrilling to listen to!
Why can’t we hear more about this election? Something should be done. We could perhaps get the Tories to attack the BBC, as that’s always good for a laugh, though ultimately pointless and a waste of everybody’s time.
Monday, 3 November 2008
OBAMA IN PUSH FOR KEY HEARTLAND BLUE-RED REPUBLICAN WORKSHY MISSISSIPPI REDNECK VOTE AS AD CAMPAIGN BREAKS ALL RECORDS FOR INTERSTATE BOREDOM
Just two days to go. Please let it end.
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