DAVE SPEAKS BUT ONCE MORE NOTHING COMES OUT

David Cameron is a remarkable politician. He has taken over his party, transformed its fortunes through a clever mix of presentation and manufactured showdowns and he has manoeuvred himself into the position of Prime Minister-in-waiting - and all without saying anything at all. He even tells us he's green. And I'm the Queen of Sheba.

This morning this brilliant performer was on the Today programme at this key moment in our national political life. Parliament is in meltdown, politicians have been found out, the political system is cracking under the strain and the spotlight has been shone on Mr Speaker, exposing all his myriad failings, most notably his inability to extract his head from the government's fundament, which is not quite the job of Mr Speaker. At least he's now resigned and good riddance really is the most charitable thing which can be said there.

So, Dave must have relished his chance to speak on the radio. You can visualise the furrowed, serious, 'I really care' brow and the earnest demeanour. Dave was asked repeatedly by a remarkably coherent John Humphreys if he would call for the tarnished Speaker of the House to go and repeatedly Dave said it was a matter for others to decide. As the leader of a major party it was not his role to comment or to tell others what to do.

Humphreys asked again and again the unconscionably earnest Dave swerved, saying it was not his role to tell others what to do. Humphreys persisted and Dave ducked and dived like John Travolta in a white suit.

Whoops, Dave. There seems to have been another opportunity to lead the debate ludicrously missed. It was the political equivalent of an open goal.

More parochially, in Oxfordshire two new waste incinerators - er 'energy from waste facilities' - are planned and five MPs have come out publicly opposed to the new facilities. There are six Oxfordshire MPs, so one did not make any comment on this. David Cameron is an Oxfordshire MP. Can you guess which one made no comment, saying instead that it was a matter for others.

Furrowed brow, earnest voice, natch...

Putting aside my contempt for all things blue and my disdain for Dave's sophistry, you have to worry about the future of our country if, in this period of turmoil the man who wants to run things cannot give a view on anything. One imagines his house - houses, sorry - is/are like a supermarket, with an array of breakfast cereals on offer and Dave repeatedly refusing to confirm which cereal he wants to have in his bowl. This is not a decision for now, he must tell his wife with brow furrowed like a newly ploughed field. We need to consider the conditions in the cereal world when we enter government as, until then the full picture will not be clear.

How long can Ducking, Diving Dave be allowed to continue with this equivocation before he is seriously tested - and how long can the country cope with a leader who can't make decisions. We seem to be hurtling back to the 1990s and the great John Major.

So, we've had Life on Mars where Sam Tyler wakes up in a nightmare of time travel back to a dysfunctional period. We've had Ashes to Ashes, where Alex Drake is in a nightmare of time travel etc etc. And now perhaps it will be 'Under Pressure' where DI Dave Cameron wakes up in a nightmare repeat of the 1990s with the Tories reviving the Cones Hotline, disintegrating over Europe, perhaps dragging the country down with them as they once again descend into infighting due to a weak leader.

I feel the same sense of horror as Sam Tyler and Alex Drake felt when they woke up. Nurse! The Screens!