SATIRISTS: TO THE CHAMPAGNE!

I don't wish to be churlish and I have absolutely no axe to grind with the Speaker-elect but the picture of him on the BBC website is so reminiscent of the character invented by Kenneth Grahame that it would be wrong - simply wrong - not to refer to him as Mr Toad.

So we've gone from 'Udder, udder' to 'Poop Poop' which, in the circumstances, seems quite appropriate.

Best of all, Margaret a-Beckett and Ann Widdespoons did not win. That's not sexism, by the way, that's a heartfelt sigh of relief.

I look forward to the next Private Eye, which very recently explained how Mr Toad has been cosying up nicely to the Labour government, apparently in search of a job. It seem therefore that the establishment candidate won after all. Good old New Labour.

Perhaps the best bit is the BBC's explanation about what happens next. Apparently, in the modern era of modernisation and modern stuff the way it works is thus:

-The fiercely independent House first seeks approval from the Queen
-There then follows an "approbation" ceremony - the process of formal Royal approval, which is expected to start at 10pm at which a bunch of unelected Privy Counsellors decide if Mr Toad can be Speaker.
-Then porn star Black Rod will then walk from the Lords to the Commons and knock on the door
-A few minutes later Mr Toad, followed by MPs, will head to the unelected Lords chamber for the ceremony which will appoint him as the official Speaker.

Now don't get me wrong, if all this nonsense sells a few more knick-knacks to the tourists its probably been worth it but you have to ask if it befits a supposedly modernising democracy.

What's the betting the year will pass, the election will come and nothing will have changed. Seriously, would you even get Evens on that?